The Runner

THE RUNNER

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Prologue

“Ay, Harlow. Ain’t you cold?”

“Hmn?”

I tilted my hat up, lifting my head from the sidewalk. Little bit of a stiff neck. Not much worse than the day I had, though.

Lucas was kicking me awake. I gave him a look as he nudged my leg. “…What you want?”

“I said, you aren’t cold?”

“‘Course I’m cold. It’s December.”

“Why don’t you go home, man?”

“…Didn’t feel like it yet.” I rolled my eyes back up to clouds and stars. “…Didn’t realize it was gettin’ to be this late, though.”

“It’s 9 p.m., dog.”

“Well, shit.” I waved away the problem like it was some fly in summer. “…Pa can be mad about it. Not like it’s gonna change nothin’.”

“…I’ll be honest, Dallas.” Luke gave me a grin as he sat next to me, clinking some familiar bottles together. “…I knew you’d still be at the shop.”

Well, now he got my attention. I glanced over to him, feeling a smile creep along my face, and I sat up straight from the concrete to grab a frigid beer from his pack.

“Yeah, there he is.” Lucas let out a chuckle as I cracked my beer open.

“You shut up.”

But we both knew I was just playing. I rolled my eyes at him as I took a long swig of beer. Got myself comfortable up against the shop walls, sittin’ on cold concrete, moon just barely visible between wisps of clouds above us. The fog of night was starting to settle in around us. Prickled my skin a little bit.

I never was real scared of being out in the dark. Lucas made sure of that.

“So what’s been on your mind, Tex?” He sat up against the wall with me, gazing at me sidelong.

“What makes you think I’m thinkin’ about anything?” Uh oh. I shouldn’t have said that.

“‘Cuz you denyin’ it. And I can see it written all over your face.”

He knew me too well. Years of fuckin’ with each other. You start to know your friends. Figuring out what they thinking about, before you ever ask the question. And Lucas was annoyingly good at it.

I let out a sigh before stalling with more beer. He yanked the bottle out of my hand. “You quit that.”

“Hey!”

“Answer my question, then!”

“I—I don’t know! I just…” I scoffed out and threw my hands out like it was nothing. Or at least not something I could identify. “…Just been a lot lately.”

“Old man on your case?”

“I mean, yeah.”

“Well, what else is new.” Lucas shook his head as he returned my bottle to my hand. “I’m talkin’ about what’s really botherin’ you.”

I weren’t real sure what else to give him here.

I guess my dumb, blank stare told him enough to figure that out. He looked me in the eye, more serious than he usually was. “…You never leave my texts on read.”

“Aw, shit. I forgot to answer you.”

“You don’t do that unless you in your head all the time.”

I broke eye contact. Stared at my shoes on gravel road.

Wasn’t… wasn’t sure what else to give him.

He leaned his head to look at me, expecting some sort of answer.

“I just feel like…” I felt like I was sifting through fog. I at least needed to give him something. “Like… like I dunno what I’m doing.”

“Hm.”

“Like I can’t… choose. Or…” I felt the fog thicken in my head as I reached out for something. “…Or I don’t know where I’m goin’.”

“Like, life?”

“I guess so.”

“You gettin’ bored?” Lucas drank a bit.

“Not really. It’s not boredom.”

“Then what is it?”

“…I… I dunno.” I itched my hair under my hat. “…I guess I just feel like… I’m not doin’ it right.”

“Doin’ what right?”

“…Everything.”

Lucas stopped drinking as he focused on me. This was the part I was afraid of.

I didn’t like thinkin’ about stuff like this. When I could feel myself sink. Feel my mood tank deep, like I felt like I was clawing my way back up for air. Like I was screaming for somebody, and ain’t nobody see me.

But it’s so much fucking worse when someone does.

Lucas saw through me like glass. He always has. Part of me hated it. But the rest of me… I think I needed someone like him. After what happened years ago. Realizing I don’t have many people I can really be honest with.

He was the last person I could tell, though. I think I’d rather have my father skin me alive.

“…You’re stuck in your head again.” Lucas smacked the back of his hand against my arm. “Aren’t you?”

I nodded, slow. Couldn’t find the right words.

“Well… you remember what I told you?” He clattered his bottle on the sidewalk, gently. “Last time this happened?”

I nodded again, hating how he was right.

“And you remember what you told me, huh?”

“I know what I told you.” I gripped my hands together, smacking my bottle onto concrete. It clinked louder than I wanted it to.

“And?”

“I… I can’t.”

“You can’t.” Luke accused me.

“Yeah. I can’t.” I felt frustration seep in as I ran my fingers through my hair. “…I can’t tell you.”

“You promised me, Dallas.”

“I know what I said. I’m telling you now, I fucking can’t.”

“You told me that you would tell somebody.” He kept himself steady, still pushing me. It took everything I had not to sock him in the jaw. “Whether it’s me, or…”

“I can’t tell anybody, Lucas. Please.” I couldn’t stop myself from finding tears in my eyes. I hid my face with my hat as I tried to keep it together.

“Motherfucker. What did you do?”

“Nothin’.”

“Show it to me.”

“I didn’t do it this time!” I raised my voice with a crack.

“You swear to me.” He turned to face me, yanking at my sleeve.

I growled out air as I showed him my arms. Old scars, long faded. And most importantly, nothing new.

“…Okay.”

He stared down at my arms for a few seconds, then shoved them away. “…Okay.”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.”

We needed a second to relax. My hands shook as I picked up my beer again. Nausea was setting in, a bit. But I didn’t care. I couldn’t tell him the truth. I could at least ease his worrying. But I couldn’t tell him the truth.

“…You swear you ain’t lying to me.” Luke glared at me from the side.

“Yes. I swear. I’m not lying. I just…”

I wanted to tell him so bad. I knew I did. But I knew what that would cost me. What would happen to both of us. I couldn’t do that to him.

This was for his own good.

“…I can’t tell you everything, Luke.”

“Yeah. Clearly.” He finished his beer as he sorted out his own feelings on the matter.

I could feel the soreness from where I kicked back. I could hear it in his tone.

I could feel the regret eatin’ away at me as we sat in silence.

But this was for his own good. It’s what I told myself to stay sane.

The alternative would ruin everything.

“…Give me your knife.”

I knew better than to argue. But I wasn’t happy about it. I stared at the forest ahead of us as I begrudgingly slapped my pocket knife into his hand. “…Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“I just don’t wanna find your corpse on this pavement.” He stared away from me as he stored the knife in his pocket.

“You weren’t gonna.”

“I’ll be frank, Dallas, I’m not quite so sure about that.”

That shut me up pretty good.

I weren’t real sure, neither.

I curled myself up as I hid my face from him. I couldn’t stop my shaking. I scolded myself as tears streaked down my face. I felt my breath leave my body in shaking clouds. Silent sobs from some deadbeat car mechanic in the middle of fucking nowhere. Wrestling with feelings. Going home and pretending to be okay.

Wakin’ up the next day and doing it all again.

“…I can’t do this, Lucas.”

I could feel his gaze on me as I lifted my face up from my hiding place. We locked eyes and I could barely see him through tears.

He let out a sigh… glancing away as he wiped his face. The sight shocked me.

I had never seen this guy cry before.

“…Tex…” He set a hand on my shoulder, and I could feel the dam shatter even worse. “…Listen. I’m sorry I been kinda harsh. I just wanna make sure you’re okay. You know?”

His hand was warm… and he wasn’t angry with me.

I collapsed my head into my arms as I felt myself sob. I couldn’t stop myself. I don’t know what was happening to me.

But he seemed to know. He only shifted closer, offering a half-hug with his arm around my shoulders.

“I…” My voice was so weak, I wasn’t even sure if he heard me. “…I’m not okay.”

“I know.”

He knew. He knew me better than anybody. Better than the boys in the shop. Better than my family.

Somehow, I could find some kinda comfort in that.

I felt myself lean into the hug without really thinking. I guess I sorta needed it. It was better than sleeping out here, avoiding my father’s questioning, his constant interrogations of where I been and who I’ve seen. What I did today.

Just for tonight. I could be free of it.

“…Lemme get another beer.”

…I dunno how long we was out there for.

I think ‘til about 2 a.m.

But we just chatted the night away… watching distant stars. It turned out there was a meteor shower tonight, ‘cuz we saw a bunch of shit flying through the sky. Tiny streaks of space dust… flyin’ free ‘til it burned up in atmosphere.

I know I studied engineering. But space was always my first love.

I don’t even know nothing about it. But it was too gorgeous not to stare at.

“You feelin’ any better, Tex?”

“Yeah. Booze helped.”

“Oh. Not me?” Luke tilted his head at me.

“Yeah, you helped too, whatever.” I slammed down one more beer. “Them beers keepin’ me real sane, though.”

“Whatever, man. Savin’ all the girls in the world from gettin’ married to you. I bet you’d get shitfaced and beat ‘em.”

“I wouldn’t beat nobody.” I glared at him. “How dare you.”

“Nah, you right.” He grinned as he took another swig. “…You punch like a four year old.”

“Ugh.”

As much as I hated it, Lucas was right. I was never much of a fighter. Always the skinny kid, picked last for dodgeball. Would rather be tinkerin’ with something in my dad’s garage.

I never made nothing worthwhile. But it was fun. And I guess it got me through college.

I watched the meteor shower as I felt my body get heavy. Warm and fuzzy. It took me a few seconds to realize one of them meteors streaked by a little too close to us.

…Wait a minute.

There was some kinda screaming noise… I barely pulled myself out of my stupor as Lucas caught my attention.

“Hey, Dallas. Hey… oh shit! Dallas!”

We scrambled back as something smashed into the earth in front of us, blowing us back with the force of something ethereal and electric. I tumbled back and slammed into Lucas against a concrete wall.

He got winded and struggled to shove me off of him. It took me a few seconds to realize what just happened.

I stared ahead at the massive crater ahead of us. Some kind of machine embedded into the earth… I flinched as a loud POP exploded from the machine.

Lucas took a second to gasp for air. Oh, shit, I forgot about him. I scrambled back to check up on him. “Hey—easy, man. We… we gotta get outta here.”

“…Fuck.” Lucas grasped for my arm and pointed at the machine. Something like a door began to slide open among the flames.

Something was coming out.

We locked eyes, knowing we couldn’t be caught here. We shoved at each other as we hid behind the mechanic shop… my hands shaking as I fumbled for my keys.

“Come on, hurry…” Luke whispered at me as I finally found my key.

“Shh.”

We slipped inside the shop, with me pulling Lucas inside… and I tried to close the door as quietly as I could, just as two giant silhouettes began to block out the moonlight.

We heard growling and mumbling in some other language as Lucas and I stared at each other. In low light, he mouthed the words, now what?

I gave him a shrug. I don’t know!

I jolted as glass shattered between us. A large, clawed, scaly hand started feelin’ around for the door handle.

I felt like I was gonna pass out. Lucas inched away from the mess, and I gently stood up as quietly as I could manage.

Someone else shouted something from the distance. The creature growled as they pulled their hand out and started kicking at the door.

I hissed at Lucas, waving him away. “Go! Go!”

He found his way inside another section of the mechanic’s shop as I hid behind a broken-down car. I watched as the door slammed open, and some giant creature ducked its head under the doorway. Thundering steps matched my heart rate. I heard boots stomp against the concrete floor as I looked out from behind tinted glass.

A light shone real close to my foot. I tried to lift it and shuffle it closer to myself.

Another set of footsteps came around from the other side of the car… both of them had split off, searching for us. I weren’t really sure why they wanted anything to do with us. But they did see us run away.

I crawled to the front of the car in pitch darkness, just as the light started shining on my old hiding spot. I couldn’t keep this up… not without making noise. I felt for a nearby toolbox, and threw a wrench towards the door.

The lights both snapped towards the door. The creatures shouted to each other as the guy near me explored around the door, and the office.

I felt my blood freeze solid as I heard a scuffle nearby.

“Rag y’laak!”

“Fuck! Fuck! Dallas!”

Lucas shouted as he was launched against the wall, then grappled into a chokehold by one of the creatures. Just as he was captured, lights shone on me next.

But something fired from outside.

More of these creatures… some kind of common uniform. They screamed at the intruders, and the second guy grabbed for me, but I just barely wrestled out of his grip. He followed me with his light and his gun as I searched for a weapon.

I found an old car battery… oh, lord above. Forgive me for what I’m about to do next.

I grasped for the battery in one hand, and shoved it against the scaly guy as I connected old cables to the battery. Feedin’ unstable electricity into itself—

Sparks scattered out as everything went white.

…

…Hey, man. You wanna come over this weekend?

Uh, yeah. I just gotta do Sunday, not Saturday.

That’s cool.

Gotta help my ma and pa with some stuff on Saturday.

Heh… we have church on Sunday. But ain’t nobody gonna miss me.

Come on, Luke. Someone would miss you.

Eh… I doubt it.

…

…I woke up on the floor.

I was so cold.

There were flames everywhere. Old gas cans, exploded. Car batteries, shattered like glass. The car blew up. It was fucking chaos.

Someone was sitting over me, some kind of creature I didn’t recognize. They were pullin’ shrapnel out of my chest.

I didn’t hear what they were saying to me.

I couldn’t hear nothing.

The flames made me sweat. But I was so cold.

I turned my head as best I could. Searching for Lucas.

His body was stabbed clean through with a piece of rebar.

I could feel someone shaking my shoulders as I stared blankly at the corpse of my best friend.

I couldn’t feel my fingers.

I was so cold.

Ain’t nobody gonna miss me…

The smoke made me dizzy. I felt my body being moved as the world spun around me.

I couldn’t speak. But I wanted him to know.

Artificial oxygen. Superficial blood. I couldn’t remember where the fuck I was.

I watched as people carried me. Not people… things. Creatures. Aliens…?

I felt myself slip into the cold black. I left Lucas behind. All I could hear was that old tone of voice… thinkin’ nobody cared for him.

All we had was each other.

Now I got nobody.

I sank deep into obscurity.

Nobody gonna miss me…

SENDING RUNNER’S LOG 903. . .

. . .

SENT.

COM RIX: Alright, Beta.

COM RIX: Let’s see what this kid is really capable of.

BETA Q: Aye, Commander. We’ll prepare for him shortly.

COM RIX: FW, Beta. Out here.

Chapter 1: Little Earthling

…I was stuck in a dreamless sleep.

Even when I opened my eyes. The light was too bright to be real. I felt nothing… nothin’ but little hairs on my skin moving, ever so slightly, when I tried to twitch nerves into waking up.

It had to have been a dream. It couldn’t have been real.

I heard muffled beeping from someplace. My eyes started to come into focus. The light was a reflection from below me… I was floating in some kind of… water. I think it was water, anyway.

I breathed deep and watched bubbles release. Some kind of mask, or something. Snug tight, wouldn’t budge, even when I pulled on it.

I stared down at my body. Nothin’ but scars. My… my body was torn to shreds. Deep scars and stitches, healed halfway.

It started to hurt, the more I woke up. It hurt and I was trapped. I couldn’t figure out where the hell I was. I could feel my heart pounding as the panic started to set in.

A figure approached from the outside. Giving the glass a knock.

A clearer voice came out from some kind of speaker near me. “Excuse me. Please don’t take your mask off. I’m a doctor at this hospital, okay? You’re in the middle of healing. I’m going to put you back to sleep.”

I was only registering about half of whatever this person said. It sounded like English, but… different. I couldn’t place it.

I stared at the shadow from outside as deep fatigue started seeping in. I breathed in and smelled something sweet. I could only fumble my hands out, tryna feel for anything around me, before the waves took me under again.

It was a dreamless sleep. I was fighting for my life. I couldn’t sleep again. Too afraid of what I was gonna see, in the dark.

I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t do nothing.

All I could do was relax as drugs pulled me into tar.

…I woke up again, a while later. I could feel the heavy pull of sedation still wearin’ off, somewhere deep in my bones.

I could feel my body again. Gravity and everything. I moved my arm, and it felt something soft below me. I leaned my head over to find some kind of tube hooked up to my arm, and a little IV drip that was just about empty.

The door nearby opened to reveal some kind of… dog thing. Alright, maybe it wasn’t a dog, but I didn’t know what in the fresh hell I was lookin’ at. Someone shorter than me, with a little tuft of fur on their head and large ears that swiveled with each little noise. They seemed to show their age on their face, and they was wearing a white coat with the sleeves pulled up.

“Hello.” They pressed a button on a collar they wore, then found a seat next to me. I couldn’t tell their gender from their looks and their voice. “My name is Doctor Taalu. Can you give me your name, please?”

Yeah, they probably needed that for their own records, huh? I gathered my strength and tried to speak. “…D… Dallas.”

“Dallas…” They nodded as they wrote it down. “And your last name?”

“Harlow…”

“Okay. Thank you.” They focused on me after writing some notes. “Do you remember what happened, Dallas?”

“Uhh…” I let out a sigh as I itched my head. Searching foggy memories. “…Kinda.”

“Can you tell me?”

“I remember… some weird alien lizard people tryna kill me and my friend. But it’s kinda fuzzy after that…”

Dr. Taalu hummed as they wrote something else down. “…And how are you feeling right now?”

“Um… fine.” I made a face as I realized how weird this was. “…Good.”

“Okay, that’s good. No pain?”

“N… no pain.” I sat myself up on the bed a little more, shocked at the strength I had already. “How the hell am I…?”

“You needed to recover in a healing pod. Total submersion. Not just partial.” Taalu nodded as they checked their notes. “…You wouldn’t have made it, otherwise.”

I felt my heart skip a beat at that.

“…I’m sorry about the scarring.” They waved to me with a sigh. “It was the best they could do.”

I lifted my shirt and stared down at myself—scars all over my chest, my stomach… my arms. Everything. I felt my face and found a small scar around my jaw.

“Wh…” I breathed out a whisper. “…What happened…?”

Taalu set down their tablet to focus on me. “…You were involved in a high-level ransom situation, Dallas. Those two people were criminals in the middle of a chase. They thought they could use you and your friend as…”

I must’ve freaked them out with my stare.

“…As shields.” They broke eye contact as they finished their thought.

“…Where is Lucas?”

“Was that your friend?” They glanced back up. “The other human?”

“Yes.” I leaned forward, wondering if this doctor was trying not to tell me the truth. Worrying for the worst. “…Where is he?”

“There was…”

They shut their eyes as I realized they were trying to let me down easy.

“…There was too much damage to his heart.”

A piece of rebar had stabbed clean through his chest.

“…His death was instant.”

I’m very sorry, Dallas.

“I assume you two were close.”

…

…I have no idea what they just said.

I was somewhere else.

I remembered it all.

I turned my head to face him head-on. To know what I had done. To see the damage I had dealt.

His death was instant.

I couldn’t see nothing else in the smoke.

I could feel my heart give out as blood leaked out of wounds. Nothin’ to push and pull. Nothin’ to feed.

Ain’t nobody gonna miss me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as tears streaked down my face.

I could feel hands shaking me awake. Tryna keep me conscious. Keep me alive.

Ain’t nobody gonna save me.

“…Dallas?”

I blinked and I was back. Kinda. I could feel my face getting wet. I forced myself to turn my gaze towards Dr. Taalu.

“…Do you need time, Dallas?” They set their hand on my shoulder with a look of fucking pity.

I didn’t want pity. I wanted it to be over.

“…I wanna go home.” I croaked something out.

“You… you can’t go home, yet.” They stared down at the sheets on my bed. “You need to heal, still. And… the Commander wants to speak to you, before you go.”

“Who…?”

“Commander Rixion. He was one of the team leaders during the raid you were involved in. He wants to see you before you go home.”

I had no idea what a commander would want from me… let alone somebody with the power to keep me from going home and drinking my fuckin’ problems away. Forgetting that any of this ever happened.

“I’m going to give you some time to digest all this.” Taalu offered a pat on my shoulder before finding their tablet. “…I’m sure you’re exhausted. Try to get some rest.”

I couldn’t say anything.

“Have a good night.”

They left the room, and suddenly I was alone.

Alone with my thoughts.

Without my family. Or Lucas.

I settled back into my bed as I wondered if my family even noticed yet.

Chapter 2: The Deal

“So you’re Dallas Harlow.”

“Y… yes, sir.”

“Hah!” The big lizard guy bellowed out a laugh. “No. I don’t do that ‘sir’ thing. Please, call me Rix. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

He held out his hand, and I shook it with a little bit of weakness. I was still recovering, I guess… and this guy looked shockingly like them lizard guys I killed…

“Uh… ‘finally?’” I gave him a look as I found my seat. Looked like some kinda small meeting room inside the hospital… everything was connected with hallways.

“Oh, yes! We’ve been waiting for your recovery for a little while now.” Rix sat across from me, sat up all nice and straight. He looked like he was starstruck.

“Wh… why?” I chuckled nervously as I fidgeted with my hair. I was apparently out long enough for it to grow a few inches. “I was told you wanted to talk to me, but… I can’t imagine why…?”

“Heh… I’ll be upfront with you, Dallas.” Rix smiled with dozens of little shark-like teeth. It set me on edge. “I think you’re crazy for doing what you did.”

That… was not the answer I was expecting.

I guess my stunned silence told him to clarify. “I mean, imagine that. A civilian, who’s never seen any alien lifeforms before… lighting up a car battery like fireworks. And you had to have known the kind of chaos it was going to cause!”

“Uhh… kinda. I mean…” Among other things I was thinking of, he basically clocked me correctly. “…They was tryna kill us.”

“I’m aware. I was terrified when I saw you two on the scanner.” Rix grew more serious with his tone. Somehow that made it even worse. “…Knowing there could be casualties.”

I didn’t say anything.

We both knew better.

“What happened to your friend shouldn’t have happened at all.” Rix stared at me, I think studying me for a reaction. “I’m sorry we couldn’t get to you guys in time.”

“It’s… it’s fine.” I stared at the table as the numbness started to creep its little fingers into my head again.

“It’s not fine. It shouldn’t have happened. And I can call you crazy all I want, but…” Rix rolled his eyes. “If it were me in your position, with your knowledge and strengths… I would’ve done the exact same thing.”

I had a feeling he was doing whatever he could to make me feel better. But sympathy weren’t gonna bring Lucas back.

“You did what you could to save another person.” Rix laced his fingers together. Claws clacking against each other. “…That, I can respect.”

He waited for me to say something… but I just couldn’t bring myself to say nothing.

All I could think about was how this was my fault.

I blew up that shop. And I took three lives that day.

“…So what I’m thinking is…” Rix raised a brow, guiding me back to reality. “…Maybe those skills could use a little finer tuning.”

“…’Scuze me?” That snapped me back.

“I want you to join the Runners.”

“Excuse me?” I spat out a laugh, without really meaning to. “Are you serious? I don’t even know how to fire a gun!”

“We can teach you that.” Rix smirked.

“Or fly spaceships!”

“We can teach that, too.”

“Or… or whatever other shit you guys do!”

“Whatever you don’t know, or you don’t have the strength for, we can figure it out.”

Rix’s smile grew wider, and I only fumbled like a dumbass even more. “Wh—why? Why me? Why not someone else? It… it was just a fluke!”

“Because you can’t teach intuition.” Rix pointed at me. “And you’ve got a sharp mind. You think quick on your feet. You didn’t even give us enough time to aim and shoot before the shop blew up.”

I struggled to say something.

“You can always train someone in combat. You can beef ‘em up, feed ‘em all the right foods. Give ‘em all the right equipment. But at the end of the day… it takes an emergency to really know what a Runner is capable of.”

It made me nervous to think about how he might have a point.

“We already know what you are capable of, Dallas.” Rix stared me down with intensity. “And you can save lives out there. I think all you really need is a little bit of guidance.”

“It… that’s…” I tried to keep my cool, but to be completely honest, I felt like I was sweatin’ bullets. “Oh, Jesus.”

“Relax. You don’t have to decide right this second. But I want you to stay here as a visitor for at least the next couple of days, get a feel for what the ship is like.” Rix glanced out towards the blacked-out window.

“I’m on a ship?”

“Yep. Spaceship. The real deal.” Rix grinned.

“Right now?”

“Yeah.”

“In space?”

“Yes.”

“Oh Jesus.” I thought I was going to pass out.

“Y’know, I really wish those doctors would clue in our patients a little bit fucking better than that.” Rix spoke with a tense smile, very clearly agitated on my behalf.

“Yeah, me… me too.” I felt my voice falter.

“Well, listen. Let me get you situated with the Beta Team. Those guys can help you get a sense of which direction is up. I’m gonna give you two days to figure out your answer. But I need you to keep something in mind.”

His face darkened as he spoke.

“If you choose to go home… you will need to have your memory completely erased.”

“Wh… what?” I whispered out the word.

“We can’t risk the Runners being found out among planet Earth. Earth specifically, because humans aren’t, uh… how do I put this? Diplomatic? Heh…” He gave a shrug, as if it were common knowledge. “We don’t want them figuring us out and then deploying some kind of nuke out in intergalactic spaces. Especially when they don’t know what they’re doing. It’s a safety thing, not just for you and your family, but for, well… everybody. Of course, this means, uh… nobody will know what really happened to your friend. All you’d remember is an accident at the mechanic shop, that unfortunately took his life.

“On the contrary,” he went on, “if you do choose to join the Runners… you will never be able to go home again. Your new home would be here, aboard the Bastion. And I know that sounds like a lot, but… it’s the price everybody pays to become a Runner. It’s for the safety of your loved ones back home. Adversaries find out who’s related to you, and, well… they suddenly get a whole lot of leverage against you.”

As terrifying as it sounded… it felt like Rix was talking from experience. And the kinda point of view that tries to account for every little nook and cranny. Trying to protect as many people as he could… at the cost of one Runner.

It made sense. As much as I hated the concept.

“I… I think I need time.” I finally said.

“I’m sure. It’s a big decision. But that’s my deal to you.” Rix nodded as he stood up from his chair. “Two days. Join us, or go home. It’s up to you. I’ll be in touch.”

He gave me a pat on the shoulder as he slipped out of the meeting room.

Join the Runners and face even worse people than the guys I killed…

Or go home, and never remember what happened to Lucas.

…I stood up from my chair.

I felt like I was gonna puke my guts out.

Chapter 3: Beta Team

I didn’t sleep for shit last night.

I been tossing and turning overnight, trying to make my choice. Upchuckin’ in the bathroom when my migraine got to be too much. I had no stomach for anything… I think the doctor’s gettin’ kinda worried about me.

But today, this morning, I finally cleaned myself up, got myself conscious enough to wander outside… and here I am now, standin’ in front of the door to the Beta meeting room.

I stared through the window, tryna get a closer look inside without gettin’ too close. But then something jumped up from below the window, peering its beady little eyes through it, and startled me backwards.

I heard some kind of voice from inside, but I didn’t recognize the language. Then, it changed to English, somehow. “You forgot it!”

“I didn’t forget!” Another, more soothing kind of voice. “I just didn’t turn it on yet.”

“Well, open it! Open the door!”

Aw, shit. I stood up straighter with my hands in my pockets as some kind of tall bird thing opened the door. “Hello. You must be Dallas—”

“Oh my gosh! Hi!” A small orange mousey sort of thing smacked into my leg. They peered up at me with big ‘ole eyes. “You’re Dallas, you have to be! Commander Rix told us all about you—”

“Ellier, please—”

“Come inside! I wanna know everything! Let’s go!” She squeaked out as she grasped for my hand. She had to jump up to reach my arm.

“Uh… okay…” I let out a nervous laugh as I wandered into the room with this little mousey girl guiding me along. Inside, there was some kinda… goat-looking guy… the oldest out of all three of them. This girl, Ellier, must have been the youngest.

“Let him go, El.”

“Okay! Sorry!” She giggled as she found her seat, and they allowed me to choose my own. I weren’t sure where else to sit, so I just chose to sit next to the calmest one here: the taller bird-lookin’ fellow.

“Sorry about Ellier. She can get sort of excited sometimes.” The bird-person held out a tough-skinned claw. “My name is Quol Na’tolle. Team calls me Q.”

“Dallas Harlow.” I met them with a shaking hand. “…But I guess y’all knew that already, huh?”

“We knew.” The gruff old goat snorted out a chuckle. “Commander gave quite the impression of you.”

“Uh, I hope not too much.”

“You blew up a car!” Ellier smacked her tiny little hands on the table. “That’s awesome!”

“Well, I dunno about that—”

“Relax, girl. You’re gonna scare ‘em.” The older guy nudged Ellier on the arm.

“Sorry! I’m sorry. I’m just so excited to meet you!” Ellier grinned wide, with little buck teeth and little fangs. She was almost endearing. “So when are you gonna join us?”

“I… I never said I’d join.” Oh, jeez. These guys were a little overwhelming.

“We understand that you’re still in between decisions right now.” Q nodded solemnly. “…And we also understand that you’ve been through a lot. So we thought we’d try and get you eased into this situation a little more… we were thinking of just giving you a tour of the Bastion.”

“Um… alright.” That sounded more mellow. I didn’t see no harm in that.

“Yun, you got the map?”

“Mhm.” The old gentleman pulled out a paper map, seemingly an old spare. They had all these weird sciencey devices on them, and they still carried paper? That was kinda weird.

I grabbed the map as we stood up from the table. Ellier led the way, bouncing along happily with little boots clunking against the floor, and I was sandwiched between Q and the one they called Yun.

“Welcome to the Hub!” Ellier walked backwards as the hallway opened up to a massive dome-like area, with a catwalk leading up to a second floor with a ton of different people walking around. I found myself staring as I studied the different kinda aliens there were here, from birds to mammals to reptiles and strange shapes I couldn’t even comprehend. I think I saw one of them fly past us.

“This Hub is where the Bastion connects to everything. Any hallway you need access to, you’ll be passing through here first.” Q gestured out to some signs and food stalls embedded in certain walls. “Some volunteers service both Runners and civilians here. Whenever we’re housing a civilian, they get to have somewhat of a normal time here. You could say it’s like a gathering area.”

It almost reminded me of a mall. It was sort of nice to think about how the Runners tried to think about the people they saved. Givin’ them some kinda normalcy in their lives. Especially after… something like my situation.

“B-Level is our storage and healing bay. That’s where you were staying.” Yun glanced at me as he pointed towards a specific hall leading down a ramp. “Patch you up nice and good, did they?”

“I dunno. Let’s hope so.” I shrugged.

“Guess we’ll see when we start tossin’ you around. See how good those stitches hold up. Hah!”

I huffed a laugh, but this guy made me kinda nervous. Reminded me of my uncle a little bit. I guess Yun was a little rough around the edges. Nothin’ I couldn’t handle, though.

“Stop scaring him, old man.” Q shoved at him.

“What?” Yun scoffed. “I didn’t do nothing!”

“Humans are fragile.”

“I’m fine.” I rolled my eyes toward Q. “Really.”

“Well, okay.”

“This way is the Training Center!” Ellier hopped along as we exited the Hub, heading towards the back of the ship. “Hope you’re ready!”

“I’m not doin’ no training. You can’t make me.”

“That’s not what I meant. I just think it’s really cool to see everyone training. Here, look! See for yourself!”

We stood waiting as Q badged us into the room, and…

…Good lord. This place was colossal.

I found myself craning my neck up as I watched everything from light sparring to rock-climbing, to weird gravity shit going on around the ceiling, people dangling from wires and hopping along obstacles…

I saw it go further in, as well. It’s like this place just kept going and going.

“Yeah, that’s the face!” Ellier laughed at me as I refocused. “Pretty cool, huh?”

“Hey, watch where you’re stepping, Dallas—”

I didn’t even realize I had wandered forward too far. Q pulled me back just as someone somersaulted across the floor—it was… it…

This guy was human.

I did a double-take as the guy slammed a quarterstaff against the floor, then stood up while perfectly balancing the staff.

He swept hair back. I found myself staring at the scars on his body.

“…Hey.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “…You new here?”

“…Uhh…” All I could think about was how in the fuck this guy was here.

“Hi, Tristan!” Ellier bounced forward and presented me with her hands. “This is Dallas! He’s just visiting.”

“Visiting, huh?” Tristan eyed me up and down. I found myself gettin’ nervous. “…You the same guy that blew up those traffickers?”

“I… was that…?” But my confusion was only secondary to my original question. “I—I’m sorry, but—”

“Yeah, he took down Omega’s targets.” Yun smacked me on the back. I jumped from it. “One tough bastard, this one.”

“…Nice.” Tristan rested on his quarterstaff. “Well, hey. Dallas.”

He pointed his staff at me, and suddenly I could feel my heart racing. What was he doing? Was he gonna rough me up? Beta team didn’t seem concerned—

But he only pressed it lightly against my chest. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me, why I was so nervous.

“…You stepped over the line.”

I almost argued, what in the hell does that mean? But then I glanced down, and found myself indeed completely across an orange and black caution line. I guess that was supposed to be for keepin’ the passersby away from the action.

He smiled as he pushed me back with the staff. “…Just watch where you step next time.”

I fumbled for words as he walked away, beckoning some other alien fellow to come spar with him.

“…Great first impression, Tris.” Q rolled their eyes as they called out after him. They crossed their arms as they addressed me. “I mean… yeah, you stepped over the line. But… he didn’t have to be an ass about it.”

Ellier only giggled quietly to herself as she hopped away.

“Well, anyway, let’s show you the docking bay next.” Q tapped my shoulder, tryna get my attention again. But I was too distracted by Tristan. I found myself being pulled gently by Q as I wracked my brain for answers.

How many other humans were on this ship? Was it just me and him? And those scars… clearly he’s been through a lot.

…What was his story?

I spared one final glance back at the only other human I seen on this ship… clacking staff against staff. Watching as he glanced back at me.

We locked eyes for only a second as his sparring partner whacked him against the chest.

Then the door closed.

The rest of the tour, I could barely pay any attention. Once I was out of earshot, staring at ships landing and launching, I tugged at Q’s sleeve. “So how many other humans are here?”

“As far as I know… just Tristan.” Q shrugged. “…And you.”

“But… why? How’d he end up out here?”

“I heard he was adopted by another species.” Yun itched his chin.

“Yeah, I heard that too!” Ellier trotted alongside us. “His name is Tristan Ku’oben. Pretty weird name for a human, I think!”

“Ain’t nobody named Ku’oben back home…” I agreed as I scratched around my scalp.

“He’s one of our best.” Q nodded along with the conversation. “…But I don’t really like him.”

“Why?” I glanced over.

“He’s just… full of himself. I don’t know. Something about his attitude.”

“Hm.”

Well, maybe I’d keep my distance, then. But I found myself so curious… I didn’t know what to think. Maybe if I got a chance to get away from Beta, I could try and talk to this guy again. Figure out whether he was human or alien.

Maybe he had tips on living here.

My thoughts swam as we checked out some other shit. I didn’t know half of whatever they was talkin’ about. I figured I’d just hang onto that map they gave me… do a little exploring on my own time.

They eventually led me back to my room, leaving me to my own devices.

I nodded and waved goodbye as the door closed.

Alone again, in this dorm…

…I had quite a bit of thinking to do.

Chapter 4: City Boy

I couldn’t get this guy out of my head.

I don’t mean it like that. I mean he’s just different. He’s the only other human on this entire ship. Maybe even in this galaxy. I know that ‘cuz I’m sure as shit not in the Milky Way anymore. Not with the way the Beta team explained it to me.

I laid down for a while at night, starin’ at the wall, hopin’ for some kind of answer to come to me. But it never came. I couldn’t fathom why on God’s green earth Tristan would leave his home for a place like this.

Why he would sacrifice everything.

…Would I sacrifice everything for this place?

I still wasn’t sure. And I felt like I needed someone else’s perspective. So finally, I crawled out of bed, throwing on some clothes and my old sneakers. Guess I was off to find this guy.

I wandered out of my dorm, and took quite a few minutes just scanning each name on each floor of the dorms. There were hundreds of these guys… I was startin’ to feel my eyes swim from skimming all the names in a foreign language. “Universal,” they called it. Well, it couldn’t be actually universal, now could it? Not if humans didn’t know it.

But then again, Rix did say the human race was isolated from the rest of the universe. Too dangerous, he said. Humans would lose their fucking minds if they found out aliens were real.

So why in the fresh hell was Tristan out here?

Finally, I found one name that stuck out to me, on the second floor. “Tristan…” something. I stared at the last name, studying the lines and shapes of it. Well, this had to be the guy. And I hated to bother him at such a late hour, but…

Was… was that music?

Very faintly, I could hear some kinda noise comin’ from this door. I set my ear against it, and I heard some growling creature from inside. Suddenly I could feel my heart racing. It sounded like those lizard fucks from the attack.

Part of me was scared this guy was in trouble.

I knocked on the door with a shaking hand. I took a step back and tried my best to breathe. It was probably fine, right? Tristan wouldn’t be attacked by nobody on this ship. Unless… unless they snuck aboard. And…

The growling stopped after a second knock. I stepped back again as the noise cut out to silence.

I didn’t realize I was gripping my own shirt too tightly as Tristan poked through his door. “…Ah… ayu n’tai.”

“Wh… what?”

He clicked his teeth and gestured, one moment. He disappeared into his room and came back with some kind of collar. “Yo.”

“Oh. Uh… hey.”

“You okay, Dallas?” Tristan made a face. “You look like you’re having a heart attack.”

“What? No.” I cleared my throat as I straightened out my shirt. “Um… I just had… uh… wh-what was that noise?”

“Oh. Heh…” He chuckled to himself as he opened his door further, and I could see some kind of amp setup inside. “…I was just practicing.”

“Practicing what?”

“My screams.”

“Screams?”

“Like, y’know. Metal?” He shrugged with a smirk.

“What?”

“Never mind. You look like you were scared half to death for a second.”

I chose not to tell him why I looked like that. “Just sounded kinda freaky.”

“Well, sorry. I can keep it down.” He slowly started setting his door shut.

I caught it before he closed it. “Wait. I… that’s not why I’m here.”

“Huh?” Now he looked even more confused. God, I was butchering this.

“I… I just…” I can’t imagine what this must’ve looked like to him. Some visiting human, botherin’ him at two in the morning. But I tried to refocus. “…I wanted to talk to you.”

“About?”

“Just… what… what life is like here. On board the Bastion.”

“Oh.” He smiled a little more sincerely. “…I mean, I can do that. You wanna come inside?”

“Uhh… sure.”

“Just watch your step. My setup is a little messy.”

I studied my path forward as he slid the door open all the way, and I carefully picked my way through cables and shit on the floor. Yeah, this guy was kind of a mess. I guess he didn’t have all his shit together, either.

He set a microphone onto a small stand and turned off his setup. Then he gestured to the chair before taking a seat on his bed. “So what’s up, cowboy?”

“Cowboy?”

“Don’t think I didn’t catch that accent of yours, Dallas.” He grinned at me, sort of funny-like.

“I’m from the south.” I shrugged. “Ghost Valley, Tennessee. Ever heard of it?”

“Nope.”

“Most people haven’t.”

“I lost my accent a long time ago.” Tristan itched around his neck. “I was born in New York, actually.”

“City boy.”

“Eh, not really. I was only five when I got adopted off-planet.”

“Yeah, that’s what I heard.”

“That’s what you heard, huh?” Tristan smiled a little less genuine.

Aw, shit. Might have screwed that up.

“It’s okay. Plenty of people start rumors about me.” He rolled his eyes.

“Why?”

“Because I’m a rare sight. And I’m good at what I do.”

“Yeah?” Over-confident, maybe?

“Yeah. I’m part of the Rho team. And we’re pretty tight-knit.” He fidgeted with his hands. “I give more credit to my guys than myself, really. They’ve saved my ass more times than I can count.”

“Well, damn.” I huffed out a chuckle. Maybe I pegged this guy kinda wrong. Wasn’t expecting humility, based on what Q told me.

“So, you said you wanted to know what life was like here.” Tristan changed the subject. “And if you want my honest answer? It’s pretty fucking good.”

“Really?” The nature of the job made that kinda hard to believe.

“I mean, yeah, you’re risking your life every time you go out on a mission. But… knowing that you’re saving people…” He seemed lost in thought before honing back in on me. “I consider it worth it.”

“What kind of missions do you guys do?”

“A little bit of everything. From saving people having a heart attack, to busting drug operations, alien trafficking, weapons smuggling… finding SOS signals…”

That… was a lot.

“…Stuff like that.” Tristan gave me a little smile.

Part of me was wondering if he was putting on a front, here. Something about his demeanor didn’t feel right to me.

“…I saw your scars today,” I decided to pry. “…What was all that about?”

Tristan paused for only a second. Then he deflected. “Don’t pretend that you don’t have scars, either.”

“‘Scuze me?”

“I hear rumors, too.” He smiled more openly. “Heard about a new human that exploded a car repair shop.”

Oh, shit.

“You’re the talk of the town, cowboy.” He grinned slyly. “…Might even take some of the heat off of me.”

Whatever game we was playing, I was losing. I tried to think of something quick. “Well, I never said I was gonna join the Runners.”

“Yeah, I heard that too. Especially when Ellier said you were just a visitor.”

He was making me nervous with how much he clocked about me. Maybe this was why Q didn’t like him.

“Pretty impressive, that you were able to finish Omega’s mission.” He grinned a little wider. “By yourself. I know that scared the piss out of Rix.”

“Well, there was casualties.” I gripped my hands a little too tight.

“I mean, yeah. There’s always casualties.”

“I don’t think you get it.”

I felt my blood run cold as the smell of smoke haunted me.

Tristan lost his smile. “…Oh.”

“I… I really…” I stared down at the floor as I tried to keep it together. “…Don’t wanna talk about this.”

“Well, okay. We don’t have to.” He let out a sigh as he started to realize. “…Sorry.”

I think it was already too late.

I wasn’t even thinking about nothing. And I could still feel tears welling up.

“…You never saw the doctor, did you, Dallas?” Tristan sat up straighter as he watched me.

“Wh… what?”

“The psych.”

“I don’t…” I took a second to relax. “I don’t need none of that.”

“Dallas.”

“I just wanna go home.”

“Hey. Listen. I think you’re kinda spiraling.” He stood up from his bed and wandered closer to me.

“I… I’m fine.” But I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t figure it out. “I just don’t get why…”

“Hey. Can you focus on me?”

“…I healed… I’m… I’m fine. It’s just scars now.”

“Dallas?”

But the scars ran deep.

They ran deeper than I could ever fathom.

I felt the pull of shrapnel, stealing air from my body. Desperate to survive, and I couldn’t do fucking anything.

I clawed my way to the surface. Fighting for my way out. But the scars ran deep. And they sank right down with me.

I felt tears run down my face as I fought for oxygen. Feeling my way through the dark… haunted by death. I could feel its icy chill along my back. Enveloping me… stopping my heart. Stealing air from my lungs. I was dying. I could feel my mind hallucinate. It was death and I was dying.

Hands shook my shoulders. But I was in too deep. The sun didn’t reach my skin.

And then something smacked my face, jolting me with pain. Real pain.

“Dallas!” Tristan was suddenly there. He shook my shoulders and grasped my face. “I need you to listen to me.”

“I…” My voice failed me. I sank, again.

I felt sobs control me as I fell deep, again. I could barely hear nothing.

I need you to relax.

I tried to regain control of myself.

Slow breaths.

I breathed in, shaking, shivering. It was ice cold. Like my heart had already stopped pumping blood.

You’re okay, Dallas.

I… I wasn’t okay.

This wasn’t fine. I wasn’t fine. It wasn’t okay. I needed help. I needed somebody.

I felt for Tristan’s arms as I gasped. “…Help…”

“I know. It’s okay. You’re safe here…”

I shook my head, barely able to pull myself back to reality. “I’m not…”

“Deep breath, Dallas. Stop. Just breathe.”

I tried to focus. My body shook as I breathed in slow. I was starting to get dizzy from the smoke.

“There you go. Just relax…”

I forced myself to stop tensing up so much. I focused on relaxing my shoulders… sometimes a sob still escaped me.

But he was here. I had somebody.

I gripped his arm with shaking hands.

“You’re alright, cowboy.” Tristan still looked concerned, but he tried a smile anyway. “Breathe slower.”

I followed his instructions. It was like he knew. He knew what to do when I didn’t. I guess he’d helped others through this before… or maybe… he’s been through it himself.

I hung my head as exhaustion overtook me. But I was back. I was here.

Everything was fine.

“You back with me?” Tristan peered over at me with a shake of my shoulder.

“…Yeah.” I whispered out, wiping my face.

“Good. Okay.” He let out a nervous laugh as he stood up. “Fuck, man.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to apologize. It’s alright. Hold on a second. I’ll be right back.”

He walked around me as I reeled from this experience. I don’t even know what happened to me. But it was like I was back there, again. Back home, dying on ice-cold concrete.

Tristan ran some water from his bathroom. He came back with a cup of water. “This usually helps.”

“Um…” I shivered as I took the cup. “…Thanks.”

I drank some water, and the feeling helped bring me back. It wasn’t really that cold.

“You need to see the fucking psych.” Tristan pointed at me sternly.

I had no energy left to argue. I didn’t want to see them… but clearly something was wrong with me. So I guess he was right. “…Okay.”

“Alright. You still got tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“Go see her. Her name is Dr. Bee. She’s one of our best. And she’ll help you work out whatever just triggered your panic attack.”

“My what?” I looked up now, sniffling with my face feeling raw.

“Oh, gods.” He scoffed. “Yeah. You need to talk to her. But I want you to get some sleep before that.”

“…Okay… I’m sorry.” I sighed as I stood up. I felt like jelly.

“Stop. It’s fine.” Tristan stared at me with concern. “…Let’s talk again after you’re done tomorrow.”

“Alright.” I almost tripped over his cables on the floor as I excused myself. I leaned on the door frame, glancing back at him. “…Thanks.”

“Sure.”

“…Thank you.”

Tristan only locked eyes with me… as if he wanted to say more. But he only nodded and started cleaning up around his room.

I left the dorm, and once the door closed, I leaned against the wall, sliding down to the floor.

I was so fucking tired.

Chapter 5: Doctor Bee

“Pardon me.”

“Oh! Hello.”

“Are you Doctor… Doctor Belu… Belutai… uhh…”

The large snake lady laughed quietly. “Please. Just call me Dr. Bee. Everyone does.”

“What…” I fidgeted with the sheet of paper in my hand. “…What’s… how do you actually pronounce it?”

“Belutai’inam.”

“Alright.” It was worth at least trying to commit it to memory.

“And you are?” She slithered out of her seat and offered a small hand. She almost looked like one of them creatures from mythology. Two arms, but no legs…

I tried not to stare as I shook her hand. “Dallas Harlow.”

“What can I do for you, Dallas?”

“Well, uh…” I let out a long sigh as I took my seat in front of her desk. I weren’t sure why this was so nerve-wracking, but I thought I was about to have a heart attack. “…I wanted to see you because, uh… someone recommended I see you.”

“Okay…” Dr. Bee nodded as she slowly grabbed for her tablet.

“…I think I’m having flashbacks.”

“Oh, my.”

“Yeah.” I stared down at the floor as I itched my arm.

“Can you tell me what happened?” She pulled up her screen and a little tablet pen.

“Uh, well… I was talkin’ with someone, and then it just sorta happened.”

“What did you talk about?”

“Um…” I was so afraid that shit was gonna happen again. I didn’t barely sleep last night. I don’t think I could handle another episode like that so soon.

I guess my silence told her that much. She approached gently, offering a new path. “…How about we start over, then? Let’s start with how you came here.”

“Oh, god. Well…” I let out a nervous chuckle, but that was a little bit easier to navigate. “…I remember waking up in one of them pod things.”

“Oh, dear.” She furrowed her brow as she wrote some notes down. “…Nobody has woken up submerged in one of those before.”

“Yeah, well… I did.”

“And then?” The doctor seemed to pay attention to every part of me. I watched as her eyes flicked to my hands messing with the paper, my leg bouncing… I tried to catch myself.

“Then I woke up in that hospital bed. I barely remember much of anything. But I remember what sent me here in the first place.”

“…There was an accident.” She was starting to piece it together. She laced her fingers together politely. “…You were brought in by Omega, weren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Talk of the fucking town, I guess.

“I’m very sorry, Dallas. I saw that report a couple of days ago, when the Commander came back.” She sifted through a couple of things on her desktop. “…To be honest, I was expecting you to show up eventually. If not, I was planning on visiting you myself.”

“Mhm.”

“…Did this other person mention your accident, Dallas?” Dr. Bee approached carefully. But direct… no bullshit. Part of me appreciated that.

The rest of me dreaded this.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as she tried again. “…Can you tell me who it was?”

I shook my head. “…Wasn’t really about them. I just didn’t wanna talk about it.”

“Are you ready to talk about it now?”

“Am I ready… probably not.” I talked through laughter. “But… I guess I gotta.”

“You can tell me as much or as little as you’d like. I’m especially wanting to hear about your flashbacks…”

She glanced back up at me, and I tried my best to steel myself. Take a breath. Just try to relax.

I couldn’t stop the shaking in my hands, though.

“…It was like I was back there again.” I couldn’t look her in the eye. All I could do was try to focus. “…I woke up on the floor of the mechanic shop. Everything was up in flames…”

She nodded quietly as she wrote some notes.

“I… I looked over and I saw… I saw Lucas, with a piece of rebar in his chest.”

“Oh, Dallas.” She gripped her pen a little tighter. “…I’m so sorry.”

I stopped talking as emotions started to flood me.

“…You two were close?”

I nodded silently.

“And this was what you saw? In your flashback?”

“I… I don’t know. It just felt like I was there again.” I felt along the collar of my shirt without thinking. “It felt like I was dying. Like I couldn’t breathe… I was shaking real bad.”

“Are you familiar with what a panic attack is, Dallas?” She glanced up at me, little peering eyes.

Yeah, that’s about what I expected. “…I think so.”

“I believe that’s what you might have been experiencing. It’s very common for people who have experienced trauma to develop symptoms like this.”

“But I…” I shook my head. Not really believing what I was hearing. “…I’m fine, though. I mean, I wasn’t fine, but I’m fine now.”

“Progress isn’t linear.” Dr. Bee offered me a sweet little smile. “Today you could be fine. But tomorrow you might feel especially fragile. And even if you choose to go home and undergo therapy… well…”

I stared up at her, suddenly feeling my heart race.

“…You might never properly recover.”

“They…” This was a pretty tough pill to swallow. “…They told me if I choose to go home… they have to wipe my memory.”

“Yes. You do that here, in Psychology.” Dr. Bee nodded matter-of-factly.

“Does that mean… even if I wipe my memory…”

“…You’ll still feel it.” She nodded again, speaking with more gravel in her tone.

It’s like… it’s like it wouldn’t even matter.

I would still feel the flames. The cold of the concrete on my back.

I would feel like I’m dying. Forever.

And never fucking know why.

“I think…” She navigated more carefully. “…If you do choose to go home… I recommend staying a little while longer as a visitor. Allow us to help walk you through some of these feelings you’re having. At the very least, you can go home with better tools at your disposal.”

I stared at the floor.

“But it’s your choice.”

“…Yeah.” I guess that put things more into perspective.

Knowing what I would lose.

“…Yeah,” I spoke again, finding myself relaxing. “…It is.”

Dr. Bee offered me a smile with little fangs. “Then perhaps I’ll be seeing you again soon.”

“You will.” I stood up from my seat, feeling more confident in my choice. “Thank you.”

“Fair winds, Dallas.”

I gave her a nod as I found my way out of her office.

I reckon it was time to talk to the Commander.

Chapter 6: The Choice

“Commander?”

“Dallas! Hello. Please, come in.”

I slid the door fully open, standing up as straight as I could manage. I ain’t sleep in days. Maybe an hour at best. But this was important. That psych doctor, as much as I hated the session, made some valid points.

It was time I made my choice.

“I hope Beta’s been treating you well,” he said as I found my seat.

“Yeah. It’s been fine.”

“That’s good. So what are you thinking, then? It’s been two days… will you join us, or will you go home?”

“I think…” I hesitated for a second as I started gettin’ cold feet. I couldn’t deny, I was procrastinating on this decision for way too long. But after talking to Dr. Bee… the choice felt pretty obvious at this point.

I couldn’t forget Lucas.

I wouldn’t never forgive myself if I backed out now.

“…I’m joinin’.”

Rix grinned wide, clutching his hands together. “Excellent. Oh, this is so exciting. I was hoping you’d say that.”

“Yeah?” I huffed out a little chuckle. Sort of surprised by that answer.

“Oh, yeah! I knew from the very beginning that you’d make a great Runner. You have a good head on your shoulders, Dallas. And I think with some training and learning, you might even rank up to one of our best.”

He slid over some papers from underneath a paperweight. “Now… you understand this means you can never go home again.”

“Yes. I understand that.”

“Even if you retire.”

“…Yeah.” I didn’t know that, but I understood why.

“Good. Then we can knock out a couple of pages of paperwork, and you’ll be official.”

Red tape nightmare… just like back home. I laughed to myself at the thought. “Okay.”

“We’ll begin your training tomorrow.” Rix couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. “Congrats, Dallas. You’re not gonna regret this choice.”

I nodded, with more certainty.

I knew I would regret it if I didn’t.

“Hi, Dallas!” Ellier bounced up from her seat at the meeting table.

“Hey, El.” I took my seat next to her, glancing around at the others.

“So what’s your verdict?” Q tilted their head curiously at me.

I glanced up at each of my new teammates… Ellier looked like she was about to explode. Yun looked like he already knew, with that tiny smirk of his. And Q was smart enough to deduce the look on my face.

“…I start tomorrow.”

“Oh my gosh! Ohhh my gosh! Dallas!” Ellier squealed as she squished against me, shaking my arm. “I can’t believe it! Well, actually, I can. But I can’t believe it!”

I laughed as she shook me with little hands. This was fine—figured I’d let her tire herself out first. If that was even possible.

“…I’m a little surprised!” Q raised a brow, but could not hide their smile. “…I was almost certain you were going to go home.”

“Well, to be honest…” I let out a sigh. “…Ain’t much waitin’ for me back home.”

“Wh… what do you mean by that?” Ellier stopped shaking me, sliding back down onto the table with big puppy dog eyes.

“I mean, y’know.” I shrugged it off casually. “…Not like my dad woulda really missed me.”

“Oh…”

That wasn’t the real reason I didn’t want to go home. Not really. It did play a part in my decision—finally grasping for the freedom I wanted so damn badly my whole life. Not needin’ to report to my father about everything I did, all the time, lest I incur his wrath, and all that.

But Luke… I couldn’t forgive myself if I just went home, all sedentary, never finding what I wanted in my life. Forgetting why he died.

He would kick my ass if I went home now.

“…You wouldn’t miss your family?” Q spoke quieter.

“Of course I would. I just don’t think… y’know…” I trailed off as I tried to justify myself. “…That they would really miss me. My dad and my uncle.”

“Ah…”

“I was told they’d be visited by a Runner team who would modify their memories. I told Rix they’re the only people who would care to know where I went.”

“Yeah… that’s a tough case.” Yun nodded from his spot, nice and comfy. He was resting hooves on the desk. “…Normally, any other family would be alright. But… you’re human.”

“Yeah. That’s what he told me.”

“You gonna get your vaccines today, then?” He slid his feet off the desk to sit up straight and point at me. “Pro tip: ask for some pain meds after you’re done. They don’t fuck around with those needles. Hah!”

“Heheh… okay.” I rolled my eyes. Not like I was ever really great with needles, anyway. “I might be fine during all that. I usually just pass out.”

“Oh, shit!” Yun bellowed out. “But, uh, no. I meant during your recovery. That stuff hurts.”

“Got it.”

“Well, you better get yourself situated then, Dallas.” Q wavered to me with a hand. “You got a lot to take care of today.”

“Already got my exam scheduled. Thanks, guys.”

“Congrats to you, Dallas!” Ellier patted my arm as I stood. “I’m excited to work with you.”

“You too, little lady.” I ruffled some of her hair.

“I’m older than you!”

“I’m taller than you.”

“Okay fine whatever. Go get your shots!”

So off I went, taking care of a few things. Got my paperwork all situated. Got my request in for my uniform. And finally made it to the doctor, where they tried their best to accommodate my tendency to faint every time someone brings a needle near me.

I actually did okay for the first two. Then, predictably, I woke up about an hour later in recovery, with the doctor smiling as they told me I was done.

I didn’t forget the pain meds. That shit did hurt.

They sent me back with some medicine, and made me take some before I left. I was pretty much all set.

I spent the rest of my day taking those, and sleeping.

It felt like a weight had been taken off of me. This decision that was weighing on me for so long… keeping me awake at night.

…Aw, shit. I forgot to talk to Tristan again.

I decided he could wait til tomorrow.

I felt like death today.

Chapter 7: Full Contact

“Alright, folks. Shadow box. Fifteen minutes.”

It took me a minute to watch others as they found their punching bags, getting situated for this session of training. Some of the more seasoned Runners was already punching away at their bags. The newbies like me studied them first, then started copying them.

Tristan and Yun were here, with Tristan sometimes stopping to help other folks. I searched for the rest of my team… I suppose not all of Beta trained at once. I actually been seeing Tristan here more often than not—made me wonder how often he actually went out on missions. I wasn’t sure how capable the Rho team was, but I heard they was pretty damn good.

I found my spot and started practicing. I found myself punching and blocking with more effort than expected… I guess I was kinda out of shape lately. Working on cars kept you busy. But I never was real experienced in a fight.

“Hey, cowboy.”

I jumped a little as Tristan tapped my arm. “Oh.”

“Keep your weight on the ball of your foot. Like this. Don’t lean back on your heel.”

I watched as he demonstrated, then fixed my stance. It was more difficult to distribute my weight, but way easier to throw punches.

“Also… don’t tuck your thumb in like that.” He stopped me again, tapping against my hand. “Do that, and you’ll break your thumb on contact.”

“Got it.”

“Alright.”

He scanned other Runners who were practicing… it seemed like the more experienced of us tended to do this. One guy spat something in Universal at Tristan in reply, though, so I guess not everybody was open to feedback.

I was trying my best not to get distracted… but Tristan got me thinking about quite a few things. The way he seemed to talk about how people viewed him, the other day… how I practically collapsed in his chair when I was panicking. How he guided me through it.

What he said about needing a psych.

…I didn’t think it was that bad. I refocused on my punches against the bag, trying to keep my breathing steady. Shadow boxing was already a workout… and it’s only the beginning of this session.

“Alright. Partner up!”

I glanced up at the instructor as she barked orders. I found Yun, but he was already finding some guy that was bigger than him, ready for sparring.

Most folks had partners already, I guess. I stood awkwardly with my punching bag as Tristan peered over at me with that stupid little smile.

“…Well?”

“Aw, god.” I scoffed out. How embarrassing was that? This guy was gonna carry me through this entire session at this point.

“Don’t act so worried, Dallas. I promise I won’t kill you.” He shoulder-checked me before finding his spot in front of me.

“Sure.” I rolled my eyes. I was almost certain he was gonna try something.

“Light contact!”

“Alright. You know what that means?” Tristan raised his hands, looking at me expectantly.

“Uhh, I hit you light?”

“Yeah, basically. You hit me first, not too hard. I’ll guide you through.”

I gave him a nod and readied up. I punched with my left hand first, trying to remember my stance.

“You left-handed?”

“Yeah.”

“Heh.” Tristan grinned as he changed his stance. “Go ahead now.”

A few punches in, and he started swatting my hands away.

“Be ready for a counter-attack. Watch. You punch here…” He moved his arm slow as he pushed me away, then came in for a body blow, light against my stomach. “…Keep your arms low when you see me doing that.”

“Yeah.”

I moved one of my arms low to protect myself, and then as soon as I did, he swiped again, aiming for my face and stopping with expert precision.

I flinched. This motherfucker.

“…Pay close attention.” Tristan smiled as he backed away. “Every opening you give is an opportunity for the other guy to knock your lights out. Always protect your face.”

“Protect my face or protect my body?” I threw my hands out. “Which is it?”

“Both.”

“Ugh.”

“Okay. Faster.”

We started getting into more of a rhythm. A few swings, he would begin deflecting, and I started finding openings that he seemed to give me intentionally. Teaching me when it was time to strike, and when it was time to counter.

“Switch!”

“…Okay. Now it’s my turn.” Tristan backed up a step, and gestured for me to lift my hands. “…Nice and easy.”

“I swear, if you clock me in the jaw…” I chuckled as I lifted my hands up.

“No chance, cowboy. I’d never mess up that pretty little face of yours.”

That was… weird. I only let out a nervous laugh, confused by the joke, but startled into focusing as Tristan started coming at me with greater speed and strength than I expected. He actually did get me pretty good in the stomach.
“Ack—”

“Shit. Sorry.”

“Take it easy, bro.”

“I’m sorry.” Tristan raised his hands. “I’ll go easier.”

“Okay.”

He swung slower, more predictable. I was able to catch more of his punches.

“See,” he threw one more close to my face, but paused here. “You start to learn your opponent in a fist fight. Everyone’s got a pattern. Nobody can stay one hundred-percent unpredictable forever.”

“Yeah.”

“Some guys are bigger than you. Swinging with more power—”

I blocked his strike as he punched pretty hard.

“Some folks are smaller, so they’ll use their agility to their advantage against you. But you and I… we’re pretty medium-build. Our greatest strength is to adapt.”

He smacked me a few times, but I got smart. Started predicting where he was gonna throw next—caught his fist right as it aimed for my chest.

“…Then it comes down to experience.” Tristan leaned in close, with a sly smile, and suddenly he was twisting my arm back painfully. “…Knowing how to spot your weaknesses.”

“…Ah… okay.” I winced. “I get it. Can you let me go?”

“Heh…” Tristan scoffed, releasing my arm from the lock.

I rolled out my shoulder as it ached. “…Feels like you’re just showin’ off, now.”

“Maybe I am.” He shrugged all casual.

I shook my head with a sigh. Maybe Q was right about this guy. Might’ve been alright in private. But in public, he just acts like a tool.

“Full contact!”

“…Now it’s time.” Tristan braced himself, now. “You ready?”

“Huh?”

“Show me what you can do. Hit me as hard as you can.”

Oh, lord. This wasn’t gonna go well.

I readied up, suddenly feeling a shiver in my hands from fresh adrenaline. This part was pretty nerve-wracking. I tried to utilize my speed as much as I could, but Tristan caught everything. Blocks and catches, twists and counters. My arms were starting to hurt from being beaten back so much.

“…Well, you can try to hit me, anyway.” Tristan gave me a wink as he raised his hands again.

I huffed out in frustration. I needed to outsmart him if I was gonna land anything.

I tried a feint to the left as I aimed for a body blow with my right. But he caught me again, yanking me forward in a stumble.

“…Are you mad at me?” Tristan chuckled. “I’m sensing anger here.”

“Ugh. Just…” I hissed out air as I pulled back. “…Tryna land something.”

“Remember… everyone’s got a pattern.”

I tried brute force against his arms, forcing him to take a step back, then I swung wide for his jaw. He twisted my arm against his, locking me in place, and caught my other fist.

“…Nice dance moves.” Tristan grinned with this knowing look on his face. “…Could’ve taken me out for a drink first, at least.”

“…What in the hell…” I breathed out as things started to finally click in my head.

I had to have been the stupidest motherfucker on this ship. I couldn’t believe I didn’t catch it until now. Locked arms against a more experienced Runner… who was flirting with me.

He let me go, finally, as a sudden rush of feelings and fury took over. I shoved him back and aimed a fist squarely for his face.

“Gah!” He wasn’t expecting a sudden blow after practice was over—I knocked him good, but he only stumbled to the floor. “What the fuck!?”

“How dare you!?” I growled out. “I can’t fucking believe you.”

Others started to take notice. “Woah, what’s going on here?”

“Is there an issue here?” The instructor walked over, glaring between me and Tristan.

I couldn’t tell her that this dickhead was flirting. Not like it mattered that much to her, I guess, but it mattered to me. I didn’t wanna be nowhere near this guy. Especially if he was gonna be doin’ shit like that.

She helped him up as I started walking off. “Hey. You can’t leave.”

“Yes, I can.” I glanced back, pointing at Tristan. “I’m not training with him anymore.”

“What did he do?”

“Ask him yourself.”

The instructor and Tristan exchanged looks, and as I started packing up my stuff, I saw her helping to clean up some blood Tristan had leaking out of his nose.

I couldn’t believe I had missed something so obvious. I felt disgusted. Like Tristan was toying with me this entire time… did he even care when I broke down in front of him? Or was this all just a means to a fucking end? Him thinking he could get anything from me?

Was everybody here like him?

Suddenly, I could feel eyes on me. Like I wasn’t sure if I could trust none of these people. I shouldered my duffel bag and found my way back to my dorm, just barely missing Yun as he called out to me.

I shut my door, locked it, and let out a screech as I slammed my bag against the wall.

I scolded myself for being so oblivious.

I don’t know how Tristan got the impression that I was gay.

But he sure as shit knows better now.

Chapter 8: The Meeting

COM RIX: My office. 10 minutes.

…Fuck.

I stared at my phone, feeling adrenaline spike my heart rate. Part of me was afraid of even going. I knew Tristan was gonna be there. And… Rix might go as far as kicking me out.

…I do regret doing what I did. But…

…I mean, he started it.

I rolled my eyes at myself. How immature was I? Whatever. I threw on a shirt and gathered my things into my pockets. This could go in any number of directions, I figured. If I apologized, things might be okay…

I found my reflection in the bathroom mirror before I walked out.

I haven’t slept real good in days. I could see it on my face.

Black hair grew out a few inches longer since I first came here. Real pale. Looked like I was hardly gettin’ no oxygen up here in orbit. But it seemed like I was gettin’ a little bit more muscle… not nearly the skinny kid I used to be.

I could tell the stress was getting to me, though. Pretty much anybody could clock me. And I think they have been.

I let out a sigh as I dismissed my image. No sense in stalling anymore. I needed to get down to that office. Deal with the consequences.

I think I feared Rix’s disappointment more than Tristan’s anger.

“Take a seat, Dallas.”

Yeah. This was about what I expected from Commander Rixion. Softspoken, as usual, but with a hardened look as I found my seat next to Tristan. I stole a glance over, finding a bandage strapped over his nose.

I clutched shaking hands together tight.

“So.” Rix crossed his arms as he leaned back in his chair. Yellow slitted eyes pierced into me. “…Why don’t we start with you?”

“…Sir?” I glanced up. I tried not to show weakness in my voice.

“Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“…Um…” I could feel my throat going dry. I took a second to think. “…We… we was training… all of us.”

“Yeah.”

“And he… Tristan…” I stared at the floor as I itched my neck. “…He was guidin’ me through some of the exercises.”

I could see Tristan looking away as I side-eyed him. Was he embarrassed by this, too?

“Okay.” Rix tilted his head expectantly at me.

“He kept sayin’ stuff… I guess it…” Could I bring it to myself to rat him out? But then again, I wasn’t exactly cool with what he did. For now, I played it cautious. “…It bothered me.”

“It bothered you.” Rix furrowed his brow. “You almost knocked him clean out because he said something that bothered you.”

“Y… yes, sir.”

Tristan glanced to me, then over to Rix. His expression was hard to read.

“You realize how serious this is, Dallas?” Rix growled out, leaning forward onto his desk. “A Runner attacking another Runner? I could have you expelled from the program for this—”

“I was flirting with him, Commander.”

Oh, shit. I felt my heart skip a beat as I stared at Tristan. He actually came out and said it. I couldn’t help but wonder why—didn’t he want me out of the program? Especially after I knocked him senseless…

“Oh… gods.” Rixion closed his eyes, as he started to put the pieces together. He took a few seconds to sort out his thoughts, and every second felt like an eternity of agony to me. “…Yeah. Okay.”

“I was the one who instigated, Rix.” Tristan stared down at the floor.

“Yeah. I get that. But that does not warrant a direct attack from another Runner.” Rix glared over at me. “…No matter whatever feelings exist, or lack thereof.”

“Yes, sir.” I shut my eyes and braced for the worst.

“I’m putting you on administrative probation for the next two weeks. You may continue your training during that time.” Rix wrote something down on his paper, with a stern look. “One more mistake, and I’m sending you home.”

I couldn’t say anything. I could only nod an affirmative.

“And Tristan… leave him alone.” Rix waved us away. “You’re dismissed. Both of you.”

“Aye, Commander.”

“…Yes, sir.”

“…Don’t do something you’ll regret. Either of you.”

I felt like my legs were going to give out. I had one more chance. It was going to be okay. I just… needed to… keep my temper in check. No more mistakes.

I just wasn’t sure if I could really do that.

I found my way around the chair to escape his office. Tristan followed behind as I left the door open.

As soon as the door closed, I could only make it a few yards away before I felt a sudden yank of my shirt. I whipped around and there he was.

“You’re really fucking lucky, Dallas Harlow.” Tristan hissed into my face, sending fresh adrenaline through my spine. “You’re lucky I just saved your ass from expulsion.”

“Get your hands off me.” I swatted his hand away, and he let me go.

“I thought you were someone special, you know?” Tristan hardened his expression. “The second human to ever grace this ship with his presence. And he’s a fucking homophobic jackoff.”

“Excuse me?” I was shocked. I never woulda thought this guy would be as spiteful as he was. Angry, sure, but…

“You’re gonna learn real fucking quick how diverse this place actually is.” He raised a brow at me. “You’re gonna just punch your way out every time a guy flirts with you? Pathetic.”

“Try me.” I spat out.

“Tough words, for someone on probation.” Tristan scoffed at me, disappointed. “…Rixion made a mistake, choosing you.”

Adrenaline made my hands shake. I was furious. I was terrified.

“I hope he sends you home.”

He shoved past me as he found some other direction to walk. I stood silently, processing exactly what just happened.

Why…

…why could I feel tears welling up in my eyes?

I never expected somebody to hate me this much, so early on. I guess it was pretty easy to fuck up your reputation here. But that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was getting my job done. Zero-G training was coming up, today. I had bigger problems than just Tristan. Thinking he’s this hotshot motherfucker. Thinking he’s all that.

Thinking he could just fish for whoever he wanted…

I let out a growl as I walked down the other hall to my room.

I was gonna be late for Zero-G if I just kept standing there.

Chapter 9: The Void

“Everyone ready?”

I snapped my mask into place, hearin’ the hiss from the outside as I gave Q a thumbs-up.

“Aye, Captain!”

“Aye.” Yun answered, but he wasn’t ready yet. He grumbled to himself under his breath as Q waded over with a subtle smile.

“It’s on upside-down, Yun.”

“I knew that.”

“Too old to figure out a rebreather?” Ellier floated against my shoulder with a grin.

“Shut up. I’ve been using these since before you were born.”

“Old man!”

“Okay, Beta. Let’s focus up on me.”

Q asked for our attention, and Ellier swam away from me in the shallower end of the pool—but if I was gonna be honest, her tiny little legs would never reach the bottom. She was stuck wading the whole time.

“Final check. Then we dive. Got it?”

“Aye.”

I ducked my head under real quick, to make sure the seal was good. Everything seemed to be in working order. Wasn’t dead yet. I suppose that was a good sign.

“Dallas. There’s better ways to check than just dunking yourself.”

“Teehee…” El snickered to herself.

I glanced up to watch the others as they ran some kinda systems check on their equipment. Oh… I guess that’s what they meant.

“You press and hold this button, here…” Q waded closer to press against a button on my mask. On my display, I could see everything light up green except for one check. But it was all in Universal. I couldn’t read none of it.

“…Huh.” Q gestured for me to take the mask off. “Let me read that.”

I snapped my mask off, giving a shrug. “I dunno what it says.”

Q lifted theirs off, setting it to the side of the pool edge as they tested it themself. It lit up all green for them… “…Weird. Might have just not sealed quite right for you. Borrow mine.”

“Alright.”

“Okay. Run your checks and let’s go.”

By the time I ran my checks, Q had already turned around. But that same orange-red section flashed lightly at me… I figured it probably wasn’t a big deal, if Q wasn’t terribly worried about it. So I didn’t say nothing, lettin’ the display fade out and checking radios next.

“Check.”

“Check…” Each of us replied in turn.

“Remember, this is just an exercise in deep-water pressure and zero-gravity. It’s gonna feel a lot like space down there. Including the light level.”

Q snapped their fingers, and suddenly the entire area was pitch black, save for our lights that turned on automatically.

I could feel my heart racing, suddenly.

“Take it easy, Dallas. Remember, it’s just a drill.”

“Huh?”

“I can see everybody’s vitals, as Captain.” Q clinked their claw against their mask as my vitals on their HUD flashed yellow.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Just try to relax. We’re not actually going to be that deep. Maybe about ten, fifteen meters.”

“Don’t worry…” Ellier paddled quietly, closer to me, and offered a pat on my shoulder. “We’ll all be here.”

“I know.” I scoffed a laugh—these guys were all so worried about me. It wasn’t like I was that unstable. “I’m fine. It was just the lights.”

“Okay.” Those little doll eyes from Ellier got me somewhere in the chest.

“Ready up, Beta. We dive in three… two…”

And…

…

…I could feel the noise deaden around me.

Faint lights from my team, as I glanced around.

I could hear my own heart beating, oxygen fed through the mask. Bubbles in an exhale, outside, in murky depths.

“Everybody okay?”

It was kind of incredible… this feeling. Feeling like I was… in infinity.

“Dallas?”

“Y… yeah. Yes.” I glanced up from the deadened black below us.

“You okay? You’re still yellow.”

“A little nervous, Cap.”

“Don’t sweat it. Just a drill, remember that. Let’s release some air and sink a little further. Ten meters. Keep watch on your altitude.”

The altitude, artificially calculated from what we registered as ‘sea level.’ Not literally sea level, but as far as our gauges were concerned, it was accurate.

The cold began to seep in, further into my suit, as we dove a little deeper. I felt myself getting dizzy… I felt myself smiling.

“Don’t hold your breath, Dallas.”

“Sorry.” I tried to focus.

“Never, ever do that. Not underwater.” Q glared over at me in faint light. “Space is a little different. But you should never hold your breath when you’re diving deep.”

“Got it.”

I felt a little hand grip my arm. I glanced over to see Ellier, staring into nothing with wide eyes.

“You okay, El?” I shrugged at her.

“Um—” She only whispered out through the radio.

“Slow down, Ellier. It’s alright.” Q held out a hand.

“Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all good. See?” Yun threw out his arms casually. “This is nothing. We’re good.”

“I know…” El seemed to recollect herself with a sigh, slowly letting go of me.

“…You wanna keep hanging on?” I offered my hand out.

“…You… huh?” Ellier stared at me with wet eyes. Was she crying?

“Here, just…” I stuck my arm out, and slowly she clung onto me. “…Yeah. We’re alright.”

“We’re not done yet, Beta.” Q nodded to us for confirmation, and found their flotation gauge. “Let’s go. A little deeper.”

“You ready?” I smiled over at Ellier.

Her ears were flattened to her head, but she nodded silently.

“Alright, team. Three… two…”

One more… one more time.

One more drop, as I glanced up into nothing.

I glanced back down.

Slowly… stars.

I felt my heart rate quicken as I almost thought we were going to fall straight through the Bastion’s glass floor—into space—into space—

But we merely thunked into transparent glass.

Ellier squeaked as she clung tightly to my arm.

But I didn’t even feel it.

I stared out… setting my hand against thick, translucent glass.

It felt like I was the only one here.

…I saw everything.

My blood ran cold, freezing, as my heart raced.

I felt tears in my eyes.

I saw everything.

From planets to stars. Massive meteors and asteroids, trailing tails, smashing painfully against the Bastion’s many, many protective layers of shielding. Invisible to the outside universe. But I saw everything.

Places that we marked as trading hubs. I could not pick out a single teeny tiny life form on every planet I chose. All of them looked like little marbles… coasts and atmospheres, swirling storms and gasps for air. Silent… beautiful.

I saw suns exploding, black holes among the nothing. I saw brigades of spaceships, flying below us, as if there weren’t nothing there at all.

I saw creatures. I saw massive things among the void, breathing as if it were air itself. Their forms always changing, squishing and forming into each other, collapsing in on itself, exploding in a sea of color and passion. This was just how they were. It was just how this place was.

My heart stopped as an eyeball turned to me.

The school of creatures gently floating by… and I swear to God, this one looked right at me.

It saw into me. It saw through me. It graced me with nothing, with everything. It judged, it weighed my soul against a mere feather. It cried, for it witnessed hatred in my heart.

I cried as I felt its pain in my body.

I was so sorry.

I reached out, and suffocated in space.

I’m so sorry.

…

…Dallas…

…

…Dallas…!

…

“Dallas!”

Suddenly it was over. Hands shook my body.

I felt tears streak down my face.

I needed to learn.

I needed to know everything.

“Dallas. Come on. Take a breath. Come on.”

A rush of oxygen. Suddenly I remembered where I was. I remembered everything.

Oh, fuck. I almost died.

I gasped as hard as I could, as the world spun around me. Desperate to know… what I could… what…

…What the hell?

What was I even thinking? I was hallucinating. Something went wrong with my mask, I think.

Q shook me by the shoulders. “Dallas! Can you hear me?”

I could hear Ellier crying somewhere else. Yun’s voice, shortly after. “Hey, it’s okay, baby… it’s okay…”

“Wh… what happened?” I whispered out as I breathed a little easier. Q had put a different type of mask on me.

“Hey. It’s okay. There was a problem with pressure stabilization with your mask.” Q held out their hand, and I took it to sit up straight.

I was a little dizzy, but I felt alright. Somehow.

Part of me was still thinkin’ about what I saw down there. In the deep.

“It ended up wasting too much oxygen in the tank.” Q sighed as they threw the mask to the side. “…You passed out down there.”

“…Fuck.” I let out a laugh.

“Dallas!” Ellier ran over to me and slammed into a violent hug. “Dallas, you scared the crap out of me!”

“I—hey… it’s fine…” I felt confused as she stared up at me with wet eyes.

“Ohh, shit.” Q clicked their teeth. “I knew there was something I forgot.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I forgot to make you calibrate your O2 rate. It’s a step you have to do with any rebreather mask. I’m sorry, Tex.”

“Oh.”

“Oh.” Yun rolled his eyes. “You almost die, and all you say is ‘oh.’ You’re funny, kid.”

I smiled as I gave a pat on Ellier’s shoulder. She still clung to me like her life depended on it… or mine. “…Hey, El. You mind letting me go?”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” She sniffled as she let go of my shirt.

“It’s alright. I’m good.”

I stared down at the pitch-black pool…

…finding myself wanting to know more.

“Well, hey. At least this drill doesn’t scare you half to death like it does Ellier.” Q elbowed me as we wandered out of the training area.

“…Yeah.”

I wasn’t sure if I really believed myself when I agreed.

Whatever I saw down there… in my mind…

…I think I need to go back down there.

Chapter 10: Scream Your Heart Out

“…Hey, Dallas?”

“Uhh, one second!”

I called out as I slipped on some clothes, then trotted over to the door. That was Ellier’s voice, coming through—weren’t sure what she wanted from me at ten at night…

I peeked out my door, and made a face as I saw little Ellier with… a weird outfit on. Smiling all wide and happy. She looked like she was dressed for a rock concert, but half the shit she wore was pink.

“…You wanna come hang out with me?” She struggled not to giggle.

“Uh… I mean…”

“I just figured, it’s the weekend! And I wanted to show you this spot off-planet…” She tilted her head all cute-like. Reminded me of my old pet cat. “…If you felt like going.”

“There a dress code or somethin’?” I glanced back at my basket of clothes.

“Um… maybe just a black shirt will do! If you have anything with a rock band on it, that’ll be perfect.”

“Well, I don’t really listen to rock.”

“What do you listen to, then?”

I paused as I realized I didn’t really have a decent answer. “…Whatever’s on the radio, I guess.”

“That’s okay! You might like these guys.” She shifted in her boots, still trying her best to keep it cool. But she was so terribly excited. It almost felt contagious.

…I didn’t have much of an excuse to say no. So I suppose that was that.

“…Yeah, fuck it.” I found a black tee shirt near my dresser, and retreated into my room. “Gimme two seconds.”

“Yay! Okay!”

I changed out my shirt, and off we went. She jogged along with what looked like punk boots and jingling chains… never would have clocked her as someone who likes rock music.

“So what is this place you’re takin’ me to?” I nudged at her head.

“Heehee! Just a bar. But the fun part is what happens underneath the bar.”

“Hooh, boy.” I let out a nervous scoff.

“Don’t worry! It’s really chill. Everyone knows me there!”

“Huh…” I guess there was more to my teammates than I initially thought. I dunno what I was expecting from them during their downtime, but… it weren’t nothing like this.

I wasn’t ready for what was waiting for me there, either.

I’m what haunts you in your head.
Grave mistake, should have left me for dead.

This place was pretty intense.

The bar itself was full of random creatures of a lot of pretty colorful backgrounds—big guys, small guys, women glaring over their shoulders at us newcomers, fiends and fickle things, eyein’ me up and down, makin’ me sweat where I stood.

Mark me up, cut me close,
Just to see if I bled.

Intense lyrics, too. I reckon that was what the punk getup was for.

“Come on, Dallas! We’re late!” Ellier pulled me by the hand, and we jogged our way down, down… into darker depths of this expansive building. Turns out there was a venue down here, filled with even scarier folk than before.

As we approached, I could hear the bass disorient me, feeling the roar of the guitar in the cavity of my chest. I was a little shorter, among the rest of the crowd—and that was sayin’ something, too. I’m six feet tall.

Now it’s over, now I’m cold,
No pulse, post-mortem,

Couldn’t barely figure out who was playing tonight. I saw a taller, lanky lizard girl shredding on her guitar—

(I’ll make you see red.)

…Wait a minute.

I felt my heart stop as I saw who the vocalist was. Immediate fury at Ellier for taking me to this godforsaken place—

“I’M NOT AFRAID OF FLYING BLIND!”

Tristan Ku’oben. The leader of the Rho Team.

Lead vocalist of this fucking band.

“Yeahhh! Let’s go!” Ellier climbed on top of my shoulders, shaking me with her little hands.

“What the hell, man!?” I shouted back at her, giving her a nudge.

“What!? You have to speak up!”

I let out a growl in frustration—I couldn’t fucking stay here. I couldn’t let Tristan see me in this audience…

“I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT THIS TIME!”

As terrified as I was, I had to admit one thing, at least: his screams were vicious as hell. I could only imagine what he’d be like if he was really angry.

I tried my best to hide among the crowd, but the lights kept piercing into my eyes… Ellier was distracting me, too. “Come on, Dallas! Let’s get closer!”

“Hell no!” I winced at the noise. “I’m leaving.”

“Huh?”

“I said I’m leaving!”

“Get me a drink while you’re up there!”

“Rrrgghh…” I let out a noise as I dropped Ellier to the floor with my arm, and she monkey-barred off of me to trot into some kind of insane group of people, all running into each other and dancing in a circle.

“BUT I’M AFRAID—”

The pause caught me off-guard. Like he wasn’t planning on doin’ it.

I looked up and I could have sworn Tristan was looking right at me.

He took a big breath, and screamed as loud as he could humanly manage. The feedback made my head hurt.

“I’M AFRAID! OF LOSING MY FUCKING MIND!”

Okay. That was terrifying. I jogged back upstairs before the song finished.

I could feel my heart racing, struggling for air as I pushed past people. He didn’t see me. He couldn’t have seen me. I was in the very back, in this huge audience. Well, maybe it weren’t real huge like I thought it was, but… but it felt big to me.

Everything felt so big. Everything was too much. I couldn’t figure out where to
go—what to do—

I just felt so small.

I could hear his voice muffled through the floor as I made my escape. “Thanks for coming out tonight! Next week, same time…”

It was finally when I found the door and stepped into cold, crisp air that I was able to catch my breath. I wiped sweat from my face—God, what I would give for some booze right about now. Alone. Not at a bar.

I wandered away from this spot, finding a walkway down closer to the pier around this tavern’s edge. I could hear the waters from this planet’s ocean, and slowly, the muffled noise and screams from the bar deadened into nothin’ but faint background noise.

I could relax, finally. I just needed a minute to cool off.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!?”

My heart stopped and I jumped in my spot as that familiar scream rang out, raw and horrible. I whipped around to see Tristan silhouetted against moonlight, huffing out clouds in bitter cold.

I’m so screwed.

I tried running, but this was a dead end. I barely made it two steps before he tackled me head-on, slamming my body against cold stone and delivering a haymaker so bad, I couldn’t remember which hand he used to do it.

“Why the fuck are you here!?” Tristan screamed in my face as he shoved my head back into stone. It took a second for splitting pain to register. “You here to ruin my show!?”

“No! I—”

“Ruining everything you fucking touch!?”

“Wait! Tristan—”

I writhed in my spot as he kept me pinned to the ground. There was nothing I could do. He dug nails into my neck, locking me in a stranglehold.

“Gods, I wanna hurt you so bad.” Tristan growled through clenched teeth. “You must be the luckiest motherfucker in this universe.”

“I—” Couldn’t get enough air out to speak. He tightened his grip.

“But I wanna make something real clear for you, Dallas Harlow.” He leaned in closer, and pinned one of my hands down as I tried to dig his arm away from me. “I never wanna see you even close to me or my people again. Rho knows about you, y’know. How much of a hateful prick you are. And Rix is already on thin ice with you…”

“I’m s…” I shut my eyes as I feared for my life. Was… was he really trying to kill me? It was all I could think about. How I fought so hard, and I couldn’t come up for air. How I wanted things to be different so badly.

“Ugh. What is it?” He hissed out, finally relieving some of the pressure on my neck. “Spit it out.”

I felt my head spin as I drowned in feelings. I felt tears run down my face as I whispered out words.

“…I’m sorry…”

Tristan stopped for a second.

He sat frozen over me, studying me close, as I tried to yank at his hands.

“…Wh… what?”

Finally, I was let go. Blood rushed back to my head as I gasped for air.

He leaned back, still sitting over me. “…What did you just say?”

“I said I’m… I’m sorry.” I coughed out, taking a second to reorient myself.

Tristan stared at me dumbfounded as I finally found my chance to speak.

“I’m sorry for… for everything.” I shuffled out from underneath him, and he let me go. “I’m sorry I punched you. I’m sorry I said what I said to you.”

“Y… you…” He looked so confused. I wasn’t sure what was so hard to understand.

“I… I dunno.” I rubbed my neck as it ached from the pressure. “I just… I regret it. And I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I just…”

I leaned against the rail. Tristan was on his knees, staring at the stone floor.

“…Just needed to say it.”

Tristan looked back up at me. “You mean it.”

“‘Course I mean it.”

“This… this isn’t some joke.”

“No.”

“You…” He glanced away. “What… I don’t understand where the hell this is coming from.”

“It’s comin’ from nightmares and therapy, Tristan.” I let out a sigh, offering a shrug. “…It’s all I been thinkin’ about.”

“Me… me too.”

Well, that was a shock to hear. Now it was my turn to be dumbfounded as he changed his tune.

“Dallas, I thought…” He rubbed his face, trying to make sense of it all. “…I thought you hated me.”

“No!” I scoffed. “I just didn’t want nobody flirtin’ with me during practice.”

“So you don’t…” He treaded real careful. “…You don’t hate gay people.”

“I never said nothin’ about that.”

“So you do.”

“No! God, Tristan…” I thunked my head against the rail, then sucked in air as the rail hit me back.

“So what…” He smiled a little, still confused by the whole situation. “So what’s this whole change of heart you got going on, then?”

“I… it’s…”

I was probably crazy for trying to tell him this.

But I needed him to know.

Something inside me… I needed him to know.

“…It was during Zero-G.” I stared into his eyes… reflecting in black waters. “I saw space.”

“So?”

“But—but I saw more.” I reached out, desperate. “I saw life. I saw everything. And something… someone… something looked back at me. It saw me. And I could—I could feel it in the core of my fucking being, man…”

Tristan, for the first time, looked a little softer. Concerned, maybe. I dunno. But softer.

“And it dug deep, Tristan.” I clawed at my chest, like it was gonna do anything. “It saw me. And it was terrifying. It—it was agony.”

I could see the lights of passing tides. The depths, calling…

I could feel tears running down my face. “It was so beautiful.”

The reflections started to fade, in my mind… but that feeling gripped me, in some sorta way. I couldn’t explain it any better than this. I stared at him, hoping for dear life that he understood.

He glanced down, lookin’ like he was thinkin’ about something.

“…I don’t expect us to be friends after all this.” I wiped my face. “And you don’t gotta work with me. Or anything like that. But I can’t keep… living like that. The way I used to, you know? I just…”

We locked eyes again… and this time, I think we finally came to an understanding.

Tristan slowly shook his head… a small smile creepin’ around the edge of his mouth. My heart skipped a beat as I wondered what in the world he was thinking.

“…Talk to me again, after the show.” He nodded sternly towards me, and stood up from kneeling.

“Wh… what?”

“…I have an encore to finish.”

I was left in stunned silence as Tristan Ku’oben assaulted me, talked it out, and then left me here… alone. Wanting to finish his section of the show. Wanting to talk to me again.

My head ached and bled as I struggled to understand what he could possibly still want with me.

I mean, I knew he was short on time. He still had an entire venue of people to scream at. But…

But what…

I wiped some of the blood from my nose as I picked myself up off the ground.

My good shirt got dirt on it.

Chapter 11: Understanding

I got absolutely shitfaced while waiting for this guy.

He was only gone for about thirty minutes. But that was plenty of time for me to drown my sorrows. I excused the damage he dealt to me as a scuffle in the bar… I don’t think Ellier really bought it.

But drinkin’ was the only way I could settle my nerves.

I stared at the bottle in my hands as I sat against the outer wall of the tavern.

A little tiny reflection of myself stared back.

I’d be the last person in this universe to admit fault, I think. My dad never did it. My uncle never did it. My mom couldn’t get nothin’ outta her mouth before she died. It was the perfect storm. I shoulda turned out just like him.

Maybe I did, for a while.

But my dad never seen the stars the way I did.

My father never saw beauty. Like I did.

But I’m so lost, out here. I dunno where even the hell I’m walkin’, half the time. I was never ready for none of this. And I couldn’t think of nobody else to turn to.

So Tristan told me to wait. So I waited.

I took another swig. Just about finished with this bottle. I figured I should probably stop drinking before Tristan came out here and found me passed out in the grass. So I set it aside, leaning back against the wall and letting out the air I was holding in, slow enough to see my breath floating in front of me.

“Hey. There you are.”

I glanced over to find Tristan peering around the corner of the bar. “…I wasn’t sure where you were.”

“I weren’t sure where to go.” I shrugged, finding my words slurring together a little bit. Oops.

“Wow. You look horrible.” Tristan tried a smile as he sat near me. “Someone beat you up?”

“Shut up, man.” I cracked a smile as he broke the ice. Part of me appreciated that… just tryna relax a little, after everything that happened tonight.

“How much did you drink?”

“Just a few.”

“How many is ‘a few?’”

“Uhh…” I blinked a few times as I tried to remember how many I had. It wasn’t coming to me.

I paused for too long. Tristan rolled his eyes as he cracked open one of his own. “This is how you handle your problems? Drinking?”

“Dulls the pain.” I spoke casually.

“Hm.” He hummed as he took a swig.

We sat in silence for a few seconds, before I started wondering where he was gonna take this. He was the one who wanted to talk to me, after all. He was impossible to figure out. I’m sure gettin’ drunk weren’t helping my situation.

Tristan turned his bottle around in his hands. Finally he said something. “…I know you’ve been through a lot, Dallas.”

I stared at the grass in front of me. I wasn’t sure what to say.

“…I’m sorry for assuming you were here to cause trouble.”

“…Eh… it’s alright.” I scoffed out. “Woulda thought the same thing if it was me.”

“Yeah…” He let out a sigh, idly reading whatever label was on his bottle. He kept twisting it around in his hands… guess he liked to fidget a lot.

He did this for a while ‘til he looked back over at me. “…You talked to Dr. Bee?”

“Mhm.” I rested my head on my knees.

“That’s good. What’d she tell you?”

“She said I got a lotta shit goin’ on in my head.” I itched around my hair. “Somethin’ like… like I need to find ways to calm down. Stuff like that.”

“I keep thinking back to that…” Tristan spoke quieter… sounded kinda hoarse after his performance tonight. “Like, when you were in my room that day.”

“Yeah.”

“And then when we were training, I thought…” He shrugged, looking confused. “…I thought we were cool.”

“I thought so too…” I felt a little less comfortable, now. Needing to face the bigger issue. “…At first.”

“So what changed?” Tristan stared back at me, asking as gently as he could.

I let out a sigh, burying my face in my arms. “Man… I dunno, man.”

“I mean, I understand you didn’t like it, but…” He spat out a laugh. “But why did you have to hit me like that?”

“God… I don’t know.” This was horrible. I weren’t ready for digging like this. “I dunno, Tristan.”

“Like, where—where was that anger coming from?”

“It… it wasn’t anger, I think.”

“Then what was it?”

“Ugh… I don’t know.” I let out a noise as I smacked my head up against the wall. “…I dunno what I was thinkin’. I guess I was…”

He waited as I tried to search for the right words.

“…I guess I was just… scared.”

I glanced over, and he looked like he was thinking about something. Mullin’ something over.

“…What were you afraid of?” He tilted his head.

I didn’t like how he did that. I didn’t like this line of questioning.

It just didn’t feel right.

“I was afraid of…”

…I never got to tell him.

“…I… I don’t know.”

I felt emotions threaten me. Felt myself choking up. I hid my face again before he saw it.

But he saw. He was smarter than that.

“Were you afraid of it going somewhere?”

Oh, God. I wasn’t ready for that kind of question.

“I mean…” He smiled awkwardly. “…Maybe that shows my ego a little bit. Assuming you’d just like me back.”

“God, Tristan…” I laughed at that. I couldn’t look at him again after he said that.

“Yeah…” He chuckled to himself. “…I guess that was wishful thinking.”

That was kind of sad. I glanced over to give him a look. “Come on, man.”

“It’s true!” He threw his hands out with a scoff. “Big bad Rho guy. Thinking he can get any man he wants. I guess that’s something I gotta work on, too…”

He looked over with a gesture towards me. “…Making assumptions.”

I didn’t know what to fucking feel about this guy. I respected him, in some degree. He knew his own faults. He was even kinda hard on himself. I knew what that felt like… thinkin’ you gotta be walking on thin ice all the time. Worried you’ll fall through it if you step too hard.

I admired his confidence, too. It seemed like he knew what he was doing. Had all his shit together. Successful Runner, doing fun things on weekends. Knowing how to do right by people.

But then again, he did almost strangle me to death tonight. Because he thought I was here to fuck up his show. And he thought he knew me, when he didn’t… not like I made that whole situation any easier, though…

“…What’re you thinking, Dallas?”

“Huh?” I had been lost in thought for a while, probably.

“Heh…” He pushed at my shoulder. “Airhead.”

“Jackoff.”

“You know it, baby.”

“Oh, Jesus.” I could never win these little duels we had. I felt my face get hot as I stared somewhere else.

Maybe it was just the alcohol talking. But I think I was actually having fun.

He smiled at me, thinkin’ to himself. Then he lost his smile as he decided on his next question. “…So what do you really feel, man?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t ‘huh’ me. What do you feel?”

“Like—like right now?” I wasn’t registering the question real well.

“Like when a girl flirts with you. What do you do?”

“God. I dunno.” I shrugged. “No girl’s ever flirted with me. Usually just dumped eggs over my head and called me a loser.”

“Wow. Fun time.” Tristan laughed.

“I guess so.”

“But if they were flirting. What would you feel?”

“Uhh… I guess embarrassed?” I still didn’t get it.

“Why?”

“I dunno… like… it’s the guy that’s supposed to make the first move.”

“Says who?”

This felt like a goddamn interrogation. I was so confused. “Says… human biology?”

“And what if it was two guys, huh?” I could hear his smile in his voice. “What then?”

“Jesus, I don’t fuckin’ know.” I set my head in my hands. “I’m too drunk for this.”

“Well… what I’m saying is… maybe there doesn’t have to be set rules to this stuff.”

“I guess.” This was giving me a headache.

“This universe is really weird, Dallas.” Tristan tilted his head again, with a sly smirk. I hated it when he did that. “…Good luck trying to logic your way out of feelings.”

“Yeah, that’s goin’ real well right now.” I spat out.

“Well, what are you feeling?” He was spinning me in circles.

“God! I don’t know, Tristan!”

“Not what you think you should feel.” He set his hand out straight. “What you actually feel. Just… first thing, off the top of your head.”

“Embarrassed.”

“Yeah?”

I glanced over, and he had this stupid fucking grin on his face. I shoved him by the arm. “Not like that! Fuckin’ hell!”

He kept laughing at me like I was the one being ridiculous. It was exhausting. I was getting kinda dizzy from tryna think so damn hard. I leaned back with my hands in my lap. “God, you’re insufferable.”

“I know.” Tristan rolled his eyes away from me. “Your face is so red right now.”

“I feel like I’m gonna pass out.”

“…Are you really?” He gazed back at me, studying me a little closer.

“I dunno, man.” I sighed. “I’m just tired.”

“Do you want a ride home?”

“…Ain’t no home for me, Tris.”

“Come on. You know what I mean.” Tristan shook his head as he stood up from sitting. “Let’s go. Get up.”

“Ugh.” I flopped onto the ground. My face was so hot, that the ground was helping to cool me off.

“Nope. Come on. Let’s get you home.” He knelt down to grab my arm over his shoulder. He was strong enough to pull me up… “I’m not leaving you out here to freeze to death.”

“Feels good.” I moved his hand away.

“Stop. Come on.”

I didn’t even realize how heavy and tired I felt ‘til I tried standing up by myself. Tristan picked me up the rest of the way… I felt my arms and legs turn into gelatin. Shivering in the cold.

I don’t remember getting back to his ship… but he left me in there for a minute as he closed the glass above us.

I heard him say something outside. “Hey, girl. I’m taking him back.”

“Are you sure?” That was Ellier’s voice. “He drank a lot… he can’t fly out of orbit.”

“Yeah… damn. Let me think.”

They kept sayin’ shit, but I could feel myself fading. I didn’t really care where I went, at this point.

Nobody would really care, I think.

Ain’t nobody miss me, anyway.

…

…Come on, cowboy. Come on…

…

…You can sleep when we get there. But we gotta get there. Let’s go…

…

…No… come on. Let’s go. You have to move your legs…

…

…I don’t remember shit.

I opened my eyes to warm air and nausea. I heard someone moving around me as the lights came on.

I moved my arm to shield my eyes. Tristan decided to speak up. “…Dallas?”

“Nnhh.” I grumbled out as the heavy feeling of hangover kept me in a low stupor.

“Hey.” He moved my arm, and I squinted at him. His hair was wet. “…You feeling okay?”

“…Feel like I just got run over by a truck.”

“Heh…” Tristan smirked at me, and let me go. He found his towel to dry off his hair. “…If you want a shower, you should do it soon.”

“Wh… what?”

“You remember where you are right now?”

I sat up a little more. I was on a bed. “…I… no?”

“Wow. Blackout drunk.” Tristan laughed nervously. “I found us a hotel room. Ellier was worried it was too dangerous to fly you out of atmosphere while you were this drunk.”

“Oh, Jesus…” I sighed, hiding my face in my hands. “…I’m sorry.”

“Hey. It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You spent money.”

“Hotels down here are cheap. It’s okay.” He winked at me. “It’s the ones in orbit that’re expensive as hell.”

“God. Alright.”

I decided to stop arguing, and get a decent look at my surroundings. It was a nice little room… a little plain. Bathroom to my left. And two small beds, enough to fit myself and Tristan in each. He hung up his towel inside the bathroom and nodded towards it. “…Free if you want.”

“Yeah.”

As soon as I stood up from the bed, I could feel the headache setting in.

“You okay?”

“Mhm.” I felt along the wall as I stumbled my way into the bathroom. “…Hungover.”

“I can try and find some medicine downstairs, if you want.”

“Don’t… don’t worry about it. I just need water.”

“Alright, man.” Tristan dusted off his tank and slipped it over himself. “…Take it easy.”

I closed the door, and in harsh white light… I looked… terrible.

I stared at myself in the mirror—dirty hair, messed up shirt, bruise on my neck, bruises on my face. I touched my neck and winced at the soreness. Pale and sick. I looked like I ain’t sleep in days.

…Ruining everything you fucking touch…

I started throwing clothes off and rinsed off in the shower. I been doing too much thinking lately… it was starting to make me feel nauseous. Uncertain about where to go… who to turn to.

Tristan was trying. I knew he was. But I still wasn’t sure if I could really trust him. He was so furious with me… so defensive. He was willing to hurt me. He did hurt me. And I wasn’t sure if he was willing to take it further than that.

I wasn’t sure if I could forgive him.

…I don’t think he was sure about me, neither.

We were dancing on ice. Trying to make sure the other person didn’t fall through the cracks. Drowning in hypothermic waters. Constantly worrying if what we were saying was gonna send more cracks rippling all around us.

I don’t know.

I lathered my hair, and watched dirt fall away into the drain.

“…Alright, cowboy. We have a little while before we need to get out of here.”

“Okay.”

I flopped back down into the bed, not bothering to throw my shirt back on yet. I was too hot. But I felt a lot better.

“…Receptionist found a little packet of aspirin, by the way.”

I glanced up as Tristan asked for my attention. He held up a small pack containing a pill, setting it down on the nightstand between our beds.

“…Thanks.” I didn’t bother arguing. I didn’t want it… but he did it anyway.

“…You feeling okay, Dallas?”

“I’m just tired…” I sighed as I rolled over from my stomach onto my side. “…My body hurts.”

“Take the meds, then…?”

“Ugh.”

Tristan let out a scoff. “You’re the most stubborn bastard I’ve ever met.”

“…I’m sorry.” I rested my head on the pillow. “I don’t mean to be.”

“You don’t need to take it.”

“…I probably should.” I dragged myself up to grab the packet.

“You want water?” Tristan leaned to look at me sideways.

“I can get it.”

But he was already sliding off his bed to walk off. I rolled my eyes and shoved my face into the pillow. This guy was obnoxious. But he… he was trying.

He came back with a paper cup, setting it on the stand. That brief moment of rest helped me regain some of my strength… I pulled myself upright to take my medicine.

I swallowed my pill as Tristan spoke up again. “…I’m sorry.”

“Hm?” I glanced over as I drank my water.

“I just… I just keep looking at your bruises.”

I nodded slowly, setting the cup down. “It’s alright.”

“It’s not.” Tristan itched his arm. “…I lost my temper.”

“Well… you did…”

“And I shouldn’t have.”

“That’s why it’s okay.” I leaned back against the board of my bed. “‘Cuz you know better now.”

“Doesn’t change anything.”

“Well, not nothing you did before. But you can do different now.”

He glanced down at the floor, nodding to himself. Still lost in thought.

I suppose this was my answer, then. Whether or not I could forgive him… we’ve both hurt each other. I could still see the mark on his nose from when I knocked him senseless. He could still see the bruises from when he strangled me half-conscious.

We could do better than that.

“…I’m not angry with you.” I decided to say it out loud. No uncertainty anymore. “And… I don’t hate you.”

“That’s good…” He smiled a little, bashful. “…I don’t hate you, either.”

“Then we’re good.”

“Yeah…”

I laid back down in my bed, letting the fluff of my hair flatten below my head. “Yeah.”

He looked like he wanted to say more… but then he stood up and just started gathering his stuff, shrugging his vest back over his tank. Little pins and patches in different languages. “We should get moving soon.”

“Gimme a few more minutes.”

“That’s fine. We have about thirty until check-out.”

“Alright.”

I heard him shuffle around as I closed my eyes… letting myself sink into my bed.

I was gonna be okay.

I think we were gonna be okay.

Chapter 12: Just Like Me

Come on, Harlow! Push harder! Keep it going!

…

Not quite, Dallas. You mixed up the nouns. What’s the word for “season?”

…

Looking tough, cowboy. Good job.

…

…It’s been about six months since I started trainin’ to be a Runner.

I been doing well with my training. I can keep conscious in about 7 G’s. I can handle deep water pressure. I’m throwing punches, I’m runnin’ fast.

One thing I just can’t get ahold of is reading Universal. It’s like math, to me. Just need more practice.

I’ve been… thinking about a lot of things.

I picked up a book on interpersonal relationships. Dr. Bee recommended it. Somethin’ I kinda always sucked at… making friends. Knowing how to be social. Shit like that.

But she was proud of my progress, she said.

It’s almost like I was relearnin’ how to be human.

…I woke up thinkin’ about Tristan today.

It’s been a while since I talked to him. I kinda feel bad for that. We text every now and then… but my training got more intense after the first month since my accident.

I’m not sure why he was on my mind. But I guess it just sorta came to me.

I watched the door of my dormitory, laying in bed all lazy-like. Not feelin’ like getting up just yet. I was done with training for this week. Another weekend of just sitting here… denying a night out with my team.

I wanted to. But I just felt so tired.

My Glass vibrated on my nightstand. A little ping noise. I sighed as I scooped it up into my hands to read whatever message someone sent.

RHO TRIS: hey cowboy

Oh… huh. Speak of the devil.

BETA TEX: whats up

RHO TRIS: wondering if u wanted to hang out

BETA TEX: tired sorry

RHO TRIS: u sure? ellier told me u were avoiding her

Aw, shit. She musta been worried about me.

BETA TEX: i dont mean to. just tired lately

RHO TRIS: come on. just for like an hour??

RHO TRIS: cant spare 30? not even 15?

RHO TRIS: 10 mins i promise i wont bore u

BETA TEX: jesus fuck you type fast

BETA TEX: ok fine

RHO TRIS: yay thx doors open for u

Ugh… god. I put my Glass asleep and let out a groan.

Now I had to get up.

The first thing was obviously that I needed to clean up a bit. I dragged myself out of bed, begrudgingly slipping on pants, and wandered into my bathroom.

I didn’t even recognize the man I saw in the mirror.

Six months ago, I was some pale, skinny kid with short hair and an old, dusty hat, and some ancient hand-me-downs from my father. Rolled into this ship half-dead. And I woke up feelin’ like I was someone else.

Today I was more lean. I weighed more here than I did back home. My hair’s been just barely tamed with time. I never really got many chances to cut it short like I used to have it, so I just trimmed the ends. Not even bothering to shave what little beard I had.

But I just…

…looked so miserable.

I didn’t know what I needed. I was doin’ everything right. I was training well, eating food, staying clean. I barely even had time for drinking.

I glanced down at my razor blade.

I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.

…

…Tristan was waiting for me.

I washed my face and headed out.

“Heyyy, cowboy.”

“Hey, Tris.”

Tristan grinned at me as he stared at me sideways against the door frame. I gave him a look—was he drunk right now?

“You took your time comin’ here.” He finally allowed me inside, slipping off the doorway to wander to his bed.

“Yeah, well…” I trailed off, deciding that maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.

He didn’t seem to care. He held up a bottle pointed towards me while I found a chair. “Nilva?”

“Uh, sure. You been drinkin’ for a while, Tris?”

“Mhm.” He narrowed his eyes with a smile as he found his own bottle, already half gone.

“Don’t take much to get you drunk, does it?”

“I’m a lightweight. Heh…”

“Seems like it.”

We took some swigs of our drinks before Tristan started talkin’ again. “So how come you’re avoiding everyone?”

“I’m… I’m not…?”

“You know what I mean.” He rolled his eyes as if it was obvious. “I mean, there’s training, and then there’s downtime. And we haven’t seen you for weeks during downtime.”

“I’m exhausted, Tristan.” I bore into him with a dead glare. “I’m spendin’ my time sleepin’.”

“That’s it?” He seemed confused. “Like… nothing else?”

“I mean… yeah.”

“Man… nah. We can’t have that.” He scoffed. “I’m draggin’ you out more often.”

“You can’t make me.”

“I can annoy you, though.”

“Lord.” I rolled my eyes over to stare at the ceiling.

He seemed to take offense to that. “…Dallas, I’m sorry. But I’m being serious. I’m actually kinda worried about you.”

“Well, don’t be.” I swirled my drink in my hand. “I’m fine.”

“I think you’re lying to me.” He stared more sternly.

We locked eyes as I challenged him. “I’m not.”

He studied me for a second, clearly not satisfied. He closed his eyes and shook his head.

“I’m not arguing with you, Tristan. Take it for face value or drop it.”

“Let me tell you something, cowboy.” He looked back up at me with more resolve. “I’m not an idiot. And you’re not as good at lying as you think you are.”

“Excuse me?”

“You wear your exhaustion on your sleeve, Dallas.” Tristan leaned forward as his bottle dangled in his hands. “You avoid social situations. You excuse it as being tired. You barely survive training, and then fuck off into your room for the next sixteen hours.”

“Tristan—”

“No, no. Let me finish.” He set his hand out. “I’ve been working my ass off to try and get better from my own shit. And I can recognize depression when I see it.”

“I’m not depressed.”

“You seem to forget how culture shock works. And I think you’re also forgetting the panic attack you had in my room, in front of me, months ago.”

I didn’t say anything.

All I felt was fury.

“You can be angry all you want,” Tristan shrugged, “but you know I’m right.”

“Fuck this. We’re done here.” I started standing up from my seat.

“No.”

He stood up and yanked against my sleeve. “You’re not gonna be running from this shit for the rest of your life.”

“You don’t get to choose for me.”

“I can report you for displaying concerning behavior.” He leaned closer, glancing down at my arm. “Don’t think I didn’t see your scars.”

I pulled my sleeve free. “You want me kicked out?”

“I want you safe, man.”

“They’ll send me home if you do this.” I glanced at the door… hoping my voice was low enough.

“Not necessarily.”

He showed his left arm… studying some painfully familiar scars on his own self.

…I never noticed it before. They were so old and faded that I missed them, easily.

“…They work with you when you’re honest with them.” Tristan glanced up at me again as he dropped his arm. “…Have you been honest with them?”

I shut my eyes. Tried to control the emotions that started to catch in my throat. Knowing he was right… knowing I was screwed.

He figured it out. After a pause, he made his choice. “…I won’t tell them. But only if you’re the one who tells them first.”

I couldn’t say nothing. Not without bawling in front of him.

“…I just worry about you, man.”

Maybe I had no choice. Already I could feel it.

He tapped against my arm with the side of his fist. “…And you gotta stop lying to me, too.”

I sucked in air. I could feel my voice break as I tried to speak. “…I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to apologize to me.”

I felt so angry. I tried my best to stop crying.

“I just want you to take care of yourself.”

“I don’t understand…” I hissed out as I collapsed into my chair. “I… I’m doin’ everything I fucking can.”

He watched me sit and sob.

“I’m training, I’m keeping up with Beta… I’m eating… but it just feels like…”

He sat back down on his bed. I heard him set down his bottle onto his nightstand.

“…Like nothing I do is helping.”

“How long have you been feeling like this?” He leaned to look at me. Trying to stay gentle.

“I think…”

I wiped my face and stared at the floor.

“…I think forever.”

We sat in silence for a few painful seconds. I couldn’t look at him. I think I woulda started crying more if I saw what he looked like.

There was one nagging question in my mind, though. And I was afraid of what his answer was gonna be.

“How… how did you get through it?”

I finally met him at eye level… and I could see his eyes getting cloudy. That typical smile. And it finally dawned on me, why he always smiled like that.

“…I didn’t.”

He fidgeted with his hands as tears ran down his face.

I was shocked… sort of. I mean… seeing him like this. So willing to be so vulnerable to someone like me. But I couldn’t judge him or fault him, or nothing like that. I guess that would make me a hypocrite if I did.

I only nodded, quietly. I knew what this felt like.

I just had no idea how he coped with it.

I had my ways. They kinda worked. But Tristan just seemed like he had everything put together in his life. He knew how to let loose and have some fun. He knew what this job took outta him. And he knew how fucked he was in the head… not letting it stop him, like it stopped me.

But maybe I was wrong.

“It’s so hard sometimes, Dallas…”

I heard his voice crack. I looked up and he was wiping his face with his shirt.

Seeing him cry was makin’ me cry. Part of me didn’t like that… but maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing.

“But…” He went on slowly, trying to compose himself. “…But that’s the thing, right? It’s hard. But it’s not hard all the time.”

“It is for me…” I choked out a laugh.

“But it doesn’t have to be.”

“Yeah…”

He stood up again, slipping out of his bed and finding his bottle. Still half empty.

I glanced at mine. Barely touched.

“Let’s make it easy on ourselves, for once.” Tristan held out his bottle towards me.

I couldn’t help but smile at that. Dude wanted to get absolutely plastered. That sounded like a great idea.

I raised my bottle and clinked it against his. We both took a long drink, feelin’ the choking burn of alcohol, and a faintly sweet aftertaste of fruit and flowers.

I loved how it burned. I leaned back in my seat. “…You got more of them drinks, right?”

Tristan finished his, and grinned with his wild face.

I shoulda known that was a stupid question.

Chapter 13: Human

“…And he was just… fucking covered.”

“No. Oh gods.”

“I’m—I’m serious, bro. Covered in concrete dust.”

Tristan couldn’t stop laughing at the absurdity. “Did… did he turn into fucking stone!?”

“Nah, nah. Thankfully not!” I cackled to myself as I took another swig. “Nah. We hosed him down.”

“Wow.”

“You gotta be careful ‘bout that shit, though. We basically had to dunk him and make ‘em scrub it all off. Otherwise it sticks to your skin.”

“Jeez, man. What a dumbass.”

“That’s what I said, too.” I finished off this last bottle, and just barely stood it upright against the others.

“Your friends did shit like that a lot?” Tristan peered down at me as I sat against his bed frame on the floor.

“Eh. Only if we was drunk.”

“Man, we get up to all kinds of stupid crap, me and my band.” He smiled at the thought.

“Like what?”

“We covered the Hub floor in lube and marbles, one time.”

“Bro, what!?”

“Yeah!” He spat out laughing. “Oh, man. Rix was so pissed. He made us clean up the whole thing.”

“Jesus, I fuckin’ hope so.”

“We only got caught ‘cuz Nile felt bad and admitted it.”

“She seems cool.”

“Yeah, she’s a good one.” Tristan nodded as he drank a little more. Then he fumbled and clattered the bottle against his nightstand. “Ah… crap.”

“You should ease up on that stuff, Tris.”

“Hey, kettle.” He dangled his arm over the bed. “Name’s pot. Have we met?”

“Shut up, man.”

“You drank like seven of my fucking nilva, bro.”

“Ain’t feelin’ it yet.” I pointed at him.

“I can hear it in your voice, cowboy. You ain’t slick.”

“Huh?”

“I’m callin’ you a drunk.”

“Huh?” I squinted at him, as if I ain’t hear nothin’.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Tris faked being offended as he slid off his bed. “You didn’t hear me?”

“Didn’t hear what?”

“I said—” He shoved his face into my ear and practically screamed into it.

“Jesus, alright! Fuck!” I shoved him away.

“Hah!”

“Lord, you are piss drunk right now.”

“Don’t act like you’re sober.” He rolled his eyes.

“More sober’n you.”

“I could get you so much drunker, cowboy.”

He leaned in with his wild grin, and I just scoffed at him. “‘Drunker’ ain’t even a word.”

“Then why’s there a word for it in Universal?”

“You just made it up.” I gave him a look.

“Made sense to you, though!”

“Barely.”

“Ugh. You’re no fun.” He swept hair away as he sat on the floor nearby.

“Not the impression I got earlier.” I raised a brow.

“Pssh.”

“I heard you laughin’.”

“Pity laugh.”

“Hey. You take that shit back.”

He clicked his teeth. “…I might’ve laughed a little bit.”

“Uh huh. That’s what I thought.”

“Yeah. Turns out you have a personality, somewhere in there.”

“Well, now, that’s just rude.” I turned away to look somewhere else. I found his amps and mic stand way more interesting than him.

“…Just needed to get you shitfaced to see it.” He shoved at my head, and I let it fall slack to the side.

“Hands off me, gay boy.”

“You wanna call me a slur so bad.”

“You shut up. I don’t do that shit.” I made a face at him.

“No?”

“I’m better than that.”

“Well, good on you.” He nodded matter-of-factly.

“…My dad did that shit.” I rolled my eyes. “…Never did sit right with me.”

“Sounds like an ass.”

“He was.”

“Cool. That means I won’t feel bad about talking shit.”

“Ain’t like he gonna hear it.”

“Heh…” He chuckled to himself at that.

We was havin’ a decent time, I think. Just shootin’ the shit. Finally finding somebody to relax with, have a few drinks, not worryin’ about walking on eggshells.

It was the first time I had some real fun in a long while. Probably since… since I was back home.

Part of it felt so surreal, now. Earth was such a far away dream.

…Didn’t really feel like home no more.

“…Lemme ask you somethin’, Tris.” I itched at my face as my mind wandered.

“Yeah.”

“When d’you know you was gay?”

“Huh?”

“Sorry.” I laughed to myself as my words slurred too much. My accent didn’t help, so I focused on speakin’ a little clearer. “I said when did you know you were gay?”

“Ooh… good question.” Tristan picked at his hands as he thought for a minute. “Man, I think… I think since I was a teenager.”

“Yeah?”

“My parents are queer, actually.” He nodded as he spoke. “One of them is non-binary.”

“Whassat?”

“It’s when you’re neither male or female. Like, you’re a third thing.”

“Huh.”

“Kinda like Quol, in your team. Like, they don’t really fit the mold.”

“Oh. I get ya.”

“Y’know, some species have more than just two sexes, right?” He raised a brow at me.

“That’s crazy, man.” I stared at the floor as he started to lose me.

“Yeah. It’s pretty interesting. I’ve met all kinds of people out there.”

“Hm…”

“Like… this universe is just so massive.” He held out his hands, as if he could cradle it. “…So infinite.”

“Yeah.”

“It feels so trivial to try and squeeze it all into one little box.”

He dropped his hands into his lap, and we pondered on this for a good while. I could see how he had a point. And he knew where I was comin’ from. Plenty of trauma, rattlin’ around in my head like a bunch of lubed-up marbles.

I made myself smile at that thought. The mental image was so gross. And so hilarious.

“What’re you smilin’ about, Texas?”

“Uhh… that marble thing you said earlier.” I dismissed him with a shrug.

“Oh, the marbles with lube?”

“Eugh.” I shuddered. “I need some more booze so I can forget that shit.”

“Heh…”

I stared at my legs for a few seconds before another thought came to me. “…Why do you call ‘em Quol?”

“Hm?”

“Q.”

“Yeah.”

“Why’d you call them Quol?”

“Uh… I don’t know.” Tristan seemed confused. “It’s how they introduced themself to me, like, a year ago.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Beta Team is the newest out of everybody here, actually. Mu Team is just barely ahead of you guys.”

“Mew?”

“Mu. M-U.”

I stared at him as I translated letters into English in my head.

“…I lost you.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“You look like you’re about to start drooling. Dunce.”

“What the hell, man!” I laughed through the offense. I decided to fire back. “I’m sorry, I ain’t the one makin’ shit up and expecting other people to get it.”

“I’m not making it up!” He threw his hands up. “Rixion did that.”

“Uh huh.”

“You don’t believe me!?”

“You just be sayin’ shit so I’ll lay off.” I held up a hand at him.

“I’ll say whatever the fuck I want. N’tailan tuu’kn’nau.”

“Nuh-uh. You don’t get to switch languages at me.” I sat up straight. “Tell me what you just said.”

“Nope.” He smiled all stupid.

“Tell me or I’ll make you!”

“You’re gonna have to make me, then.” He flicked some hair away from my face.

Alright, fine. Dickhead. Tonight, we battle to the death. Once and for all, the final victor.

I lunged forward and grabbed for his shirt. He burst out laughing as he countered me easily, and we smacked and threw punches as we wrestled across the floor. One of my legs knocked an empty bottle over.

I was able to get some weight on him, and locked him into a hold. “Spit it out, dipshit!”

“No!” He spoke through laughter.

“I’ll kill you, motherfucker!” I shoved his face onto the floor, aiming for him to give up.

“Nuh-uh!”

“What did you say!”

“I said—”

But he flipped our entire weight around, and with my own hold, he turned it against me. Now he kept me in a chokehold, pinning me to the floor.

“Almost got me, cowboy.” He chuckled as he shoved weight onto my back. “…Almost.”

“Augh! C’mon, man—”

“Tap out, rodeo!”

“Come on!” My left arm was locked with his, so I could only try and fumble with my right. I had a feeling he did that on purpose.

“Tap out now before my arms get tired, bro.”

“Ghh…” I did everything I could to try and pull out of the hold, but unfortunately for me, I was simply too shitfaced. All that strength I got during training. And all I could think to do was flail around like a fuckin’ school kid.

Finally, I tapped out. He let me go, and my head swam as I dropped onto the floor.

“You thought.” Tristan kneeled over me with a smile.

I could only stare up at him… defeated. The final victor declared. God, I hated this guy.

“I called you cute, by the way.”

Oh, what the fuck?

“Huh?” I could barely sit up. “…Huh?”

“You heard me, cowboy.”

“Ugh, Jesus.” Whatever. I was so tired. I couldn’t even fire back with anything. He was the one who was multilingual, not me.

“…Sorry.” He blinked as a small sober moment came to him. He held out his hand to lift me back up.

“…What you sorry for?” I slid up against the wall. The rush from the wrestle made me dizzy.

He seemed pretty tired, too. Red in the face. “…I don’t mean to weird you out.”

“Man… you ain’t do nothin’.”

“Huh?”

“I said you didn’t do anything wrong.” I sighed in frustration as I focused hard on my speech.

“Well, I know you don’t like it…”

I scoffed out before I could catch myself. “I didn’t say nothin’ like that.”

“…You what?” Tristan looked surprised.

“I mean… fuck.” I rubbed my face with my hand. “I shouldn’t’ve said nothin’.”

Slowly, he started to put the pieces together. It showed on that dumb fuckin’ expression he had. “…I knew it, man.”

“Come on.”

“You’re into it.”

“I didn’t say that, neither!” I shoved at his arm.

“Okay…” He let himself be shoved away, and adjusted his seat to sit a little bit further away. “I’m gonna be honest with you, Dallas.”

“Oh, lord.” I might’ve made a big mistake.

“…You’re really confusing, man.”

“…I’m sorry.” I sighed out my words. “…I don’t mean to be.”

“I know, but like… it’s like I can’t figure out what you’re feeling.”

“Don’t worry.” I shrugged. “…I don’t really know what I’m feelin’, neither.”

“…Maybe it’s something worth thinking about.”

“…I don’t like thinkin’ about that shit.”

“Why not?” He tried talking softer.

“Well…” I wasn’t really sure what to give him. I knew I couldn’t lie, but what was I supposed to say when I didn’t even know what was the truth?

“…I dunno.” I finally said something. “…I… it’s just…”

I trailed off for a while, tryna search for some kind of sentence to string together. But all I could think about was how bad I felt. Tristan feeling like he was being led on. That maybe he had a chance.

But he didn’t need someone like me.

He deserved someone a little more…

…Just…

…Just a little more.

“…What’s in your head, man?”

“…Too much.” I stared at the floor with a face of resignation.

“I think you’re putting too much thought into this.” Tristan studied me for a second.

“I just don’t think…” I pulled up my knee to rest my arm over it. “…I dunno.”

“What?”

“I think… I think you should just stop.”

“…What do you mean?” He looked a little offended.

“…I just don’t think, like…” I tried to think of the right way to say it. “…Like you’d get anything out of it.”

“Dallas, I’m not trying to get something from you. Gods, man.” He scoffed as he looked away. “Is that what you really think?”

“That’s not what I mean. I meant, like…” I hid my face from him as my thoughts started swimming.

He tried his best to wait patiently.

“…Like I guess I wouldn’t be good at it.”

He didn’t say anything.

“…Like I wouldn’t be a good choice.”

“…You think you won’t be good enough.” He phrased it a little clearer than me.

“…Yeah.” I muttered out.

We sat on the floor in silence for a little too long.

I couldn’t look him in the eye. “…I just think you deserve better.”

That hurt, saying it out loud. But he wanted honesty. So that’s what he was gettin’ from me.

I guess he still wasn’t satisfied with that.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. “…Dallas… look at me.”

I tried not to let myself tear up as I looked over to him.

He sat a little closer to address me head-on. “You… you are so much more than you think you are.”

That somehow hurt worse.

I tried pulling away, but he kept me there. A gentle hold… not letting me run this time.

“I know it’s hard for you to see it. But you’re fucking incredible.” Tristan smiled at me with that stupid face he always makes. “You survived near-death. You decided to never let that happen to anyone else again. You joined the Runners. You’re becoming a Runner. And every time I see you, you’re getting better. You’re stronger, you speak clearer… it all shows me that you care. And you’re trying.”

I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I don’t think I’ve ever been told something like this before.

“I know we had some rough patches, but…” He moved his hand from my shoulder to wipe tears from my face. “But we healed from that. And I think we’re better people for it. You’re always learning. And you try so goddamn hard to be a good person.”

I shut my eyes as I tried not to sob.

“…I love that.” Tristan shook my head lightly. “I just wish that you could see what I do.”

“Stop, man…” I whispered out.

“No. I want you to hear it.” He pulled me closer as I settled against him.

I can’t remember the last time someone hugged me.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt something like this.

“There is no ‘good enough,’ Dallas.” He shook me as he clutched tight. “It’s just you.”

It hurt so much.

It all felt so wrong.

But I grabbed him tight as I realized how miserable it made me.

How badly I wanted it all to end.

I just wanted the pain to stop.

And he…

…He made it stop.

I sobbed into his shoulder as I understood.

For the first time in my life, someone else made me feel good.

It hurt to hear. But it was so nice to hear it.

I knew he made good points. I knew he was right. No matter how much I didn’t want to believe it. Just keep believing I was just some shitty person. Some jackass who hated everything. A bad kid, a bad man.

I wasn’t.

I wasn’t none of it.

I was human.

I wiped my face as I let out some air. Feeling some semblance of safety, and it was because he made it safe.

I pulled away as I realized both of us had been crying. Tristan smiled at me as he cleaned off his face.

“…I want more booze.” I stared somewhere else, wistful.

“…You drank it all.” Tristan scoffed at me.

“…Sorry.”

My head was reeling. I felt myself get a little nervous as he held me steady.

“…Can I make it up to you?” I tried a joke. Having a hard time making eye contact.

He only chuckled as he leaned closer. One of his hands trailed down to my chest, and I was almost afraid he was gonna feel how fast my heart was going.

“…I’m sure I’ll think of something.”

He brought both hands to my face. I met his gaze and felt like I was sinking. Held me close as he touched his lips to mine. And I thought I was going to fucking die.

All I could do was try to relax, close my eyes… fall into the motion. He guided me slow. I felt dizzy as he intoxicated me. Liquor and body heat, sending me into a quiet spiral.

I found my hands feeling for him, holding him steady as we sank, together. Inebriated with everything.

Finally, he pulled away. And I finally remembered to breathe.

“…That works.” He muttered low with a smile.

I stared, feeling stupid. “…Shut up.”

He let out a laugh as he pulled me in again. I leaned into it, gentle, drowning in my feelings. Feeling his hand trail around my neck, down to my chest, feeling his other hand run fingers through my hair.

I could feel my heart racing. I could feel my hands shake. Part of me was so afraid of fucking this up, somehow.

But in this moment, right here… the rest of me didn’t give a damn.

I loved it. I loved what this felt like.

I needed this.

Chapter 14: The Drill

“Alright. Everybody got their instructions?”

“Aye, Commander!” We shouted in unison.

Rixion paced back and forth between three teams. Beta, Rho, and Epsilon. I tried to quell the shaking in my hands as I stood up straight. Tried my best to focus on my captain and my team.

One quick glance to Tristan, in the lead as Rho’s captain. I never seen him more serious in my life.

“You got ten minutes to make a game plan and prepare. Captains, it’s up to you to manage your team. EXFIL is all about coordination and cooperation.”

Rix stood at the center of us all, and from here I could see Q itching to open their special instructions.

The challenge this time: there was gonna be one random condition among each team. Either more adversaries, strange environmental difficulties, or whatever else that could reasonably get in our way.

We were all outfitted with our own tools and weapons. Guns, shielding, oxygen masks, rope and carabiner, the works. My gear weighed heavy on my belt and my back.

This was as close to the real deal as it was gonna get.

“Rho is first.” Rixion nodded to Tristan, and he opened his instructions, giving them a quick glance-over. Then he huddled with his team, stern mumbling between them all.

“Ash! Raiya! Rho!” They clapped between each other, and headed down into the training area.

“Epsilon.” Rixion glanced over to Wrecker next, and she slashed open her instructions.

She announced them proudly. “Alright, ladies. Mask up, we’re operating in zero-G. You know the drill!”

“Annun! Whisp! Esp!”

And with their chant, the girls slipped away into their specified area.

That just left us.

“Beta.”

Q sliced their instructions open with their claws, studying them carefully. They glanced up to us worriedly before beginning our huddle.

“Total dark. No comms.”

“What!?” Ellier hissed out in a panic.

“Relax. We’ve trained individually before. Our goal is to infiltrate and extract two hostages. Unknown number of hostiles. It’s best if we split up and search the area.”

“How are we gonna know when we’re done, then?” Yun glanced between me and Q… maybe he was worried about me keeping up my pace.

“Keep track of the time. Ten minutes, in and out. Extract whoever we can, and regroup outside the perimeter. Remember, the guards are gonna use real weapons. This isn’t just training anymore.” Q held their fist out. “Ready?”

“Aye, captain.” We met them equally with our hands, giving each other a tap.

Together, we cried out our chant. “Beta! Auven! Nyx!”

“…Good luck, Beta.” Rixion shared his gaze between us all. “…You all might have the hardest drill.”

“Trust us, Commander.” Q stood up straight, cold as ice. “We’ll get it done.”

“I know you will. Fair winds.”

My hands shook as I crawled into a narrow space inside the building. This was hostile territory now. The others had split off into different sections of the facility, with Ellier utilizing her small size to squeeze into the vents above us. Yun opted for a less-than-stealthy approach. Aggressive but silent.

Q and I were pretty on-par with each other. Quiet, slippery. They was taking the north side… myself, coming from the south.

I found cover among boxes and crates, feeling the weight of my body cam, my weaponry… knowing Rix was watching us carefully. A true test for Beta—every single one of us was new to being a Runner. Epsilon and Rho had more experience in the field, but it was always good to keep their skills sharp in between missions.

I scanned a door, then set my ear to it. No noise from inside… no signs of life. I slipped inside to hide from an upcoming patrol.

I heard a distant cry from somebody, then very faint gunshots. Sounds like one of my guys went loud. But I was gonna keep silent if I could help it. Could catch ‘em by surprise if I played my cards right.

I hopped up into a big vent, just as someone swung my door open.

I stayed perfectly still as lights shone inside the room… some small closet with connections to the rest of the facility.

They slowly walked away, and it was only then that I remembered to breathe out.

I crawled through the space, finding a decent fork to slip underneath the floor. I blinked as people walked past the grates, kicking up dust that fell all around me.

This room was heavily guarded. Must’ve been in the right area. Under the cover of darkness, I scrambled past the guards, shuffling my way into a new room.

I lifted the grate and found someone on the floor, tied up and staring right at me.

I checked the door before I whispered. “Garag Runner. We’re getting you out. Keep close to me.”

They watched the door for me as I cut them free, and just barely made our escape into the grate again.

Suddenly, lights blared across the scene that I returned to. Lights shone through the grates as overhead, people scrambled and flipped their guns over into their hands. I bet it was Yun that triggered their alarm. But now it was time for our escape.

My hostage gasped quietly. I covered their mouth as we froze in place… hoping nobody would catch us down here.

So far… so far, so good.

I felt like I was gonna pass out from the stress. But we needed to keep moving. I beckoned them to follow, and we wormed our way out of the grates to find our way out.

“Shit!”

The hostage cried out just as someone caught me right in the head. How in the fuck—

Lights shone on me as I gained my bearings. Someone beat me right in the head with the butt of their rifle. And now they pointed it directly at me.

I whipped out my shield just barely in time. I shoved forward to stun my attacker, and wrestled with them to disable their gun.

The hostage screamed out—

I whipped around and found them on the floor, with another guy pulling out their pistol.

But my draw was faster.

I shot at their hand, with a spray of blue blood cursing the area. Just enough time for me to grab the hostage and put up my shield—

But just as I shoved them down to the floor—

A searing pain in my side.

I didn’t even realize the first guard had re-enabled his rifle. The shot cut clean through me. I let out a screech as I stumbled forward, losing my footing in front of the hostage.

I was out of time. These guys were just gonna keep coming.

But I had an idea.

I ripped off my holo-shield arm band, and quickly strapped it to the hostage’s arm. I turned it on and shoved them forward. “Go! Go!”

They hesitated, but only for a split second. My task was done. One of the hostages was rescued.

It weren’t really about me.

I whipped around again just as the guard smacked me in the stomach. I doubled over just as I saw someone else swing a baton at my head—

…

…Someone was draggin’ my body across dirt and sand.

…

…I…

..It was agony.

…

“…Dallas?”

“Is he alright?”

“You called MEDEX?”

“Rix called. They’re coming.”

“Wild ass bastard… you saw what he did?”

“Stop, stop. Just keep pressure on it. Keep pressure on it…”

“What happened? Didn’t he have his shield?”

“Okay, everybody clear out… we’ve got him. We got him.”

…Dallas Harlow, 24-year-old male human.

We got a gunshot wound to the lower left quadrant.

Lacerations and bruising around the head, we suspect a concussion…

…Okay, ready… one… two…

…

Chapter 15: I Hope This Message Finds You

…

…Hey, Pa.

I dunno if they wiped your memory or something. Or if they just told you that I died in an accident.

But I’m your son. Dallas.

I hope this message finds you alive and well. Hope Uncle Tommy’s doin’ alright.

I’m sorry I disappeared. I kinda feel bad for doin’ that.

But I… I wanted to make this recording to tell you a few things about my life. They was tellin’ me this message would be sent out eventually, but they weren’t sure when that might be.

I been doing well. I’m strong. I’m gettin’ smarter. I have a lot of good people in my corner. Good support network, I guess you could say.

And I’ve got a partner now.

He… I…

…

…Y’know what? I don’t give a damn.

He’s great. He’s a good man. And I know what you’d say to me if you was in front of me right now. “You’re dating a man? Ain’t no son of mine.” I mean, sure, whatever.

But I just…

…I thought maybe you’d get some closure outta this.

I’m never coming home, Pa. Especially now. Because I know you. I know what you’d do.

And I don’t wanna have to break bones just to defend myself from you.

I’m not making this message to spite you.

This message is to say goodbye.

You can think what you want. You can laugh at me, or cry, or scream, or whatever you wanna do. Ain’t like I’m gonna hear none of it.

But I love you.

I do. I mean, you’re family. I can’t turn my back on you like that. I know you was just comin’ from some place inside, y’know? Some part of you that lives in fear.

I get it. I know, ‘cuz I know who I got it from.

But I’m not afraid no more, Pa.

I love you. And I love my partner. And I just… I love everything.

I’m happy here. I really believe that.

…

…That’s all I wanted to say.

Goodbye, Pa.

I’ll see you on the other side.

Chapter 16: The Call

…Dallas…

…

…Your name is Dallas.

I feel the weight of everything on your shoulders.

I feel the grief in your heart.

…You can never go back home.

You feel like a foreigner… an alien… in this universe.

…

…But you are a living being, bred from the depths of this universe… just like everyone else.

Never forget this, Dallas Harlow.

You will always belong.

The gasp I took in when I shot awake was agonizing. I jolted my body, then immediately recoiled at the pain.

That voice… but…

…Where the hell was I?

I must’ve startled everyone else. Tris was right beside me, jumping where he sat. “Oh! Fuck. Hey.”

“Morning, Dallas,” another voice, calmer, spoke to me. I found Dr. Taalu on my other side. “Just us. It’s alright.”

I sucked in air as the doctor felt for my arm. There was a hot, dull ache in my side. “Augh… ow.”

“Just try to relax. You’re due for meds.”

“Wh… what…?”

“You probably woke up because of the pain. I’m sorry about that.” Dr. Taalu poked something into the IV, and slowly the pain started to fade into heavy numbness. “…Should be all set now.”

I couldn’t barely lift my other arm to wipe sweat from my face. Tristan inched closer. “…Hey… you okay?”

“Uhh… I’m… I could be better.” I slurred my words as pain medicine started to dampen my voice. “I guess.”

“You look pale.”

“It might have just been from the pain…” Taalu observed me for a moment.

“Well, I…” I flopped my arm above my head, ‘cuz I was too tired to move it back down. “…I was just… havin’ a weird dream.”

“I see…” Taalu seemed more relaxed now; their ears went down as they excused themself now. “…If you need nothing else… I can let you two talk.”

“Could you please?” Tristan answered them before I could. “…Thanks.”

“Of course.”

Once the doctor was gone, I blinked over at Tristan. He seemed to keep his eyes on the door until he was sure we was alone.

“…You’re insane.” He finally said, with that same old smirk that made me feel things. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“Did what?” I couldn’t hide my smile—pretty stupid of me, when I was high on meds.

“Gods. You just—just sent your hostage out running!” Tristan threw out his hands as if it was obvious. “With your shield! You realize we can’t do that, right?”

“But I did. Heh…” I lulled my head to the side.

“Dallas, you can’t save anybody if you’re the one that needs saving. Rix is gonna have words about this.”

“Eh… y’know…” I didn’t have much more thought than that, so I just trailed off.

“You must really be hopped up on meds if you’re not that concerned.” He gave me a look.

“…Can’t take it back, can I?”

“No… I guess not.”

“…I’ll… I’ll handle him. When I’m able to get up.” I sighed, flopping my arm back down.

“…You’re one crazy bastard.” Tristan leaned his head to look at me.

“You love it.” I flashed teeth at him.

“…I think we all need to be a little crazy for a job like this.” He spat out a laugh, resting his head onto his arms on the side of my bed.

“…Way I see it…” I mused up at the ceiling. “…If you ain’t gonna make sacrifices… how can you expect nobody else to do it for you, too?”

“You wanna try that sentence again?”

“Shut up, man.”

He chuckled at that. Letting his hand wander to collect my free hand… studying it a little closer.

“You’re warm.” I tapped against his arm.

“You’re freezing.”

“Yeah.”

I guess when you have such a violent reaction to being thrown in a pod full of weird alien fluid, they figure you gotta heal the old-fashioned way: stitches and bed rest. But them boys in training really did a number on me. It took me days to get back into walking condition… bullet hit an organ or something. But the doc told me I’d be alright. All this real advanced medicine tends to speed up the process.

I washed up in the shower, taking care not to nick my stitches. They were practically gone by now, but the skin still felt sorta tender to the touch. So I didn’t wanna fuck around and find out.

I saw my reflection as I stepped out, drying off with one of their towels.

I…

…I changed a lot.

Even after healing from training. I almost didn’t recognize the man I saw in the mirror. Long hair that badly needed trimming… a little five ‘o clock shadow across my face. I never could grow that lengthy of a beard. Just didn’t seem to be in my genes.

I stared at my scars as something itched in the back of my mind.

Your name is Dallas…

…

…Something about those thoughts… that dream… it felt almost familiar.

I stared at the door, then glanced to the change of uniform left on the shelf.

I think I knew where to go for answers.

“…You sure you wanna do this so soon?”

I hooked up my mask and calibrated its settings as Tristan sat next to me. “…Yeah. I’m sure.”

“You said it was, what? A dream?”

“I feel like something’s out there.” I stared at him through my mask, determined. “…You remember back when I told you about my first time doing Zero-G?”

“Yeah.”

“I just… I just need to try.”

“Okay. Well, you’re gonna need a spotter.”

“You comin’ or what?” I nodded towards the mask laying on the edge of the pool.

He scoffed with a concerned look as he set his own mask up. “I’m gonna register myself as captain. I really hope you’re not losing your mind, Tex.”

“I guess you’ll have to come down there and be the judge of that, won’t you?”

He didn’t say anything, nothin’ but that charming little smile, as we slipped into the pool. One snap and the lights died before us.

I let out the air I was holding in, feeling cold condensation around my face. I couldn’t deny that I was nervous. I weren’t real sure if I could face those creatures again… or even if…

…if I can face whatever I heard in my dreams.

But I swear. Somethin’ out there is calling to me. It’s been waiting for me since the very start.

My hesitation prompted a little nudge from Tristan, silently. We locked eyes, and released the air from our suits.

And slowly… we sank into the bitter black.

…

…Our lights blinked on, around our masks. I searched for Tristan and found him a couple meters away.

“You alright, Dallas?”

“Aye, cap.” I stole a smile.

“Come on. I’m not really your captain.”

“Let me be funny sometimes.”

“Ha-ha.” Tristan spoke out loud, decidedly not laughing.

“…Goin’ deeper?”

“How deep do you plan on sinking?” He glanced up worriedly at the surface.

“As deep as we can go.”

“Crazy motherfucker.”

“…Heh…”

Further we went… the pressure beginning to set in. The darkness started to play tricks on my mind. Little shapes and creatures, forcing me to do the occasional double-take. Glancing to Tristan and watching him stare below us… losing his smile.

“Don’t tell me the great Rho Captain Ku’oben is afraid of the dark.”

“No!” He snapped his head up. “I’m afraid of the endless clutches of space.”

“Okay, that’s… fair enough.”

“Just don’t do anything stupid, please.”

“Well, my mask is actually functional this time, so…?” I shrugged with my arms out.

“Your mask did what?”

“Nothin’.”

“Stop freaking me out,” he spat out as he swam closer. He now had the brilliant idea of hooking a carabiner to my suit, just in case we lost each other.

“Sorry. I just… need you to trust me.”

“I don’t even know what you mean by…”

But then he trailed off as the stars began to pierce through the dark. Little glimmering lights, millions of lightyears away, bursting and brightening and fading as if they weren’t there at all. I felt my heart skip a beat as we approached the glass barrier, the one thing separating us from a suffocating death, endlessly floating into the abyss…

I didn’t even realize I had hit the barrier until my mask clinked against it.

“…Okay. We made it. Can we go now?”

I felt Tristan tug at my belt with the rope. But I was already lost.

I saw myself, floating in the reflection of the glass.

I saw…

I…

I saw a young man, eyes widening with his realization.

The call had been answered.

Black hair floated in the dark, the ghostly illusion.

He seemed transfixed upon my reflection…

He was not alone, in the Deep.

I stole air with a simple wave. I sent him into a spiraling slumber.

Together, we sank deeper… dreaming of a place long lost to time.

Ancient caverns leading into the core of the planet, old spears long broken, the technology that tapped delicately into the harvesting of crystalline energy, and a people whose way of life had been decimated by intrusive predators…

At the core of it all, the answer.

Your name is Dallas Harlow.

You are a Runner, under the Garag Division.

With this occupation comes danger. Mystery… death, at every turn.

This task will not be easy.

But it is the Will of the Deep.

Seek the Deep.

I will be there.

“…Dallas?”

I jumped at Tristan’s touch. One blink and she was gone.

But… who was she?

How did I know…?

“Dallas, come on. Say something.” Tristan shook my shoulder.

“I—sorry. I’m sorry.” I shook my head, trying to bring myself back to reality.

“Dude, you almost flatlined. What the hell was that?”

“I… I think a message…?”

I stared up at him as he floated over me, and he just didn’t seem to get it. Not the way I did. He studied the space between us and the barrier, then back to me. “…What the hell did you see?”

“…I’m not sure.” I itched my hair. God, I needed a haircut so badly. “…Would probably just be easier if I drew it from memory.”

“I mean… alright.” He didn’t seem fully convinced—or maybe he was just worried I was losing it by now—but he grasped my arm anyway. “…Let’s get back up there before you start seeing more shit.”

I refrained from rolling my eyes as we slowly resurfaced, gently floating in the darkness together. In limited light, I stared up at his face, catching myself almost admiring the low angle.

Tris glanced down, finding my trance humorous. “…You alright?”

“…I dunno.” I glanced away, embarrassed.

“You’re red as nilva, Dallas.”

“No I’m not.”

“Okay, man.”

Chapter 17: The Runner

I don’t think you would have recognized me a year ago.

One year of bein’ out in space. One year of healing, training, makin’ friends and acquaintances…

Now it was about time I earned my keep.

I stepped out of my dormitory with my uniform on and shirt tucked in. My boots felt heavy as I found my way up the Bastion… I couldn’t deny the adrenaline rush that kicked in when I was messaged about graduation about a week ago. Or the adrenaline I was feelin’ right this minute.

It meant training was over. At least, basic training was. Runners never really stopped—needed to keep them skills sharp over time. But this was their sign to me that they thought I was ready for proper deployment. An EXFIL Runner, executing action plans created by COMMAND, based on information gathered by INTEL Runners.

We’re the party that comes after the initial scouting. INTEL doesn’t typically get into trouble… if they was any good at their job, anyway.

This upcoming mission was a little different, I heard. It’s not often you get INTEL scouts joining EXFIL and MEDEX all at once. Typically they’re deployed first, then us.

I guess the Commander’s in a rush for this one.

“Hey, Dallas,” I heard a familiar little voice join beside me as I found myself in the Hub. Ellier trotted next to me, coming from her own dorm with her uniform neatly outfitted. “…You ready?”

“As ready as I’m gonna be, I guess…” I nodded along as I offered my hand for her to climb up my shoulder. It was sort of our thing, lately… she liked to perch on me, to get a little extra height.

“Just try to relax. We’ve been doing this for a few months before you joined.” She rested her chin on my shoulder as we walked. “You won’t be alone.”

“Yeah.”

“And besides! Rho and Epsilon are joining us.”

“Rho, huh…” I scoffed to myself. I don’t think Rix was ever, uh… briefed on my situation with Tristan.

“Heehee…” But Ellier clocked me right away. “…Just try not to get too distracted, Dallas. You’re kinda supposed to keep relationships with other Runners on the downlow.”

“I can stay professional,” I glared at her. “Come on, now.”

“Let’s hope so!”

We joined up with the rest of Beta team for our briefing, walking beside Yun and Q, and suddenly I was feeling pretty under-prepared. In just a few minutes, I was gonna be official. And I weren’t real sure if I was ready for it yet.

I guess you could always claim that you’re not ready. And we never really know ‘til we do it, and you think to yourself, damn, that was easier than I thought.

Well… it’s a little harder when you’re doing a mission like this.

“Good morning, everyone.”

“Morning, Commander…” little murmurs throughout the room.

“Today we’re initiating our newest Runners to EXFIL.” Commander Rix clasped his claws together, eyeing each of us new guys in the front row. “And after that… trial by fire. I hate to throw our newest into the ring like this… but things have gotten a little heated around the edge of Garag east. It’s gonna be a quicker turnaround than normal for us… we need fingers on the pulse fast, and we need quick extraction before it gets too dire.

“But first, before the doom and gloom,” he seemed to scoff at himself as he stood toward the center of the room, “let’s get our initiation started. Let me know if I pronounce these names wrong.”

He flicked his Glass into his hand, and readied some patches with the other at his podium. “First up… Naya ‘Wrecker’ Elaiyas.”

Wrecker stood from her seat as first in line. For the first time since I seen her, she almost looked timid. Rix presented her with her EXFIL Captain patch—an official sign of joining the ranks.

“She’s ran with us for quite some time,” he announced, “but I am proud to say she has been ranked up as Captain of Team Epsilon. Congrats, Wrecker.”

“Aye, Commander. Thank you.” She smiled with plenty of little teeth, ears turned back slightly. Embarrassment, maybe?

As she took her seat, Rix went on. “Quol ‘Q’ Na’tolle.”

Q allowed themself a little smile as they stood, receiving their Captain’s patch.

“You’ve come from a lot of hardship, Q,” Rix spoke as he shook their hand, “but you’ve proven yourself beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are deserving of the rank of Captain.”

“Thank you, Commander.” Q’s voice was quiet and gravelly. Always humble, this one.

“Nile of Shar’vannoh…”

Nile glanced to me with a quick look of excitement before approaching the Commander.

“You’ve grown and changed the most out of every Runner in this room, Nile. Despite perhaps a few, uh… ‘disciplinary actions.’” Commander Rix gazed down at her with sly amusement. It grabbed a few chuckles out of the room before he refocused. “But your personality and your skill has shone through it all, and I’m proud to declare you an official Agent of Team Rho.”

“Thanks.” Nile grinned, and her short, curt reply got a snicker from one of her crew.

Once she took her seat… that just left me.

“Dallas ‘Texas’ Harlow.”

I breathed in slow, standing up to meet the Commander last. He offered an EXFIL patch in one hand, and shook my right hand with the other.

“I have personally overseen your progress with this organization. I have watched you go from an ordinary human under extraordinary circumstances, to a full-fledged Runner—practically overnight. And I’m ecstatic to declare you an Agent of Team Beta. Congrats, Tex.”

“Thank you, sir.” I struggled not to get emotional. It just… hit different, somehow. Hearing it from him.

I found my seat and situated my new patch against my left sleeve. With a quick glance over, I surveyed the others with their new patches as well, a couple of freshly-ranked Captains, and myself and Nile.

“And with our new Runners and Captains in tow…” Rix lost his smile as he got serious. “…Let’s get down to our mission brief.”

The room flicked into darkness, and he pulled up his projected screen from his Glass. A 3D layout of an old facility was carried down from above, and some of us scooted our seats back so we wouldn’t overlap with the screen.

“How many of you are familiar with MESA?”

I stayed silent as I picked out a few hands from the others. Tristan didn’t raise his hand.

“Essentially, this facility used to contain some of the most anomalous entities in our entire galaxy. Some say the Garag division contained our most dangerous.” Rix paced around the layout, studying its mappings. “An old prison, built to contain some of the worst of the worst. And recently, it’s been decommissioned.”

Part of me wondered why… but I did my best to stay focused. Making mental notes here and there of the exits, and the deeper reaches of the map. Two lefts here, then a right…

“There’s been rumors of this facility being breached already. But we don’t know how true that is. I only heard tell of it through certain channels about two hours ago. That’s where INTEL comes in.”

He glanced up with the shine of the map in his eyes. The INTEL Runners toward the back sat up straighter.

“This is a gravely urgent matter. Some of the prisoners contained in that facility have capabilities beyond normal logic and understanding.” Rix crossed his arms as he spoke. “…You’re gonna have to be prepared for the weird and unexpected.”

“Aye, Commander.” The INTEL leader nodded, and started copying the layout of the map for his guys to start deciphering.

“Once we get a good scope of what we’re dealing with, EXFIL and MEDEX will be conducting extractions of whoever we can manage. All of the prisoners, as far as we’re concerned, will be under a medically-induced coma. MEDEX will ensure they stay that way.”

“Aye,” the MEDEX team mumbled out here and there.

“And it will be EXFIL’s job to make sure the team stays safe. In case they wake up.” Rix eyed me, then a few others in turn. “We’re not trying to kill anyone… but if it comes down to it, self-defense comes first. Always.”

“Aye, Commander,” Our captains muttered one by one.

“Always keep in mind the rank and capabilities of these prisoners. Again, not all of them have anomalous ability. But some of them do. Treat all of them as if they do, until we get solid intel. Any questions?”

The situation was still a little vague, but I got the idea that Rix didn’t fully know everything about this mission himself, either. Especially since the news was so fresh, and the facility seems to be one of the most dangerous we’ve got. Part of me was itching to ask about the decommissioning… but I got another idea that maybe it was best if I didn’t know.

Our silence signaled the end of the briefing. Rix nodded as he delivered the package of today’s briefing to our Glass devices. “…Good luck, then, and fair winds. Naala Garag Noch.”

“Garag Noch,” we all replied in unison before splitting up into our respective teams.

Ellier climbed onto my shoulder again as Q and Yun approached us. “So! Anomalous ability, huh?”

“I’ve only heard of places like MESA.” Q huffed as they examined the map. “…Part of me always thought it was just a rumor.”

“What is MESA?” I itched my neck. “Is it an acronym?”

“Mass Extraction and Security of the Anomalous.” Yun answered. “An old, old place. Meant to hold some of the craziest motherfuckers in the galaxy. I think there’s a few in other galaxies, too. Hylos probably has one. Them’s bigger than us.”

“Why you think they got decommissioned?”

“Probably some corporate crap.” Q offered a mild smile to me. “Ro’oku Saalu.”

“Pardon me?”

“It’s like… like when a bunch of corporations muddy the water with a lot of paperwork. Slows everything down.”

“So red tape,” I mostly said that to myself. Of course it was. It was really strange being outside of the politics of the galaxy… especially coming from a place where politics seemed to rule everything.

“In any case,” Q sighed, “it’s not really our call to make, whatever the corporation does with the facility. It’s just our job to make sure the dangerous guys stay out of public spaces. Hence the transport.”

“Makes sense.”

“Hey, Q.”

I glanced back as a familiar voice approached. Tristan bumped into me in passing, I think intentionally, as he nodded to Q. “You guys are riding with us. Commander’s orders.”

“Alright. You’re taking the wheel on this one?” Q set aside their map.

“I think so. Epsilon’s riding with Alpha to help cover them while they scout. MEDEX is, uh…” Tristan glanced back at the MEDEX team, Gamma. “…I don’t really know. I think they’re trying to decide if they wanna split the room.”

“Are we sure Omega doesn’t want to stick near us?” Yun leaned to try and find Commander Rix, but he had already disappeared. “Seems like kind of a big mission.”

“I think he’s assembling COMMAND right now, yeah.” Tristan tapped Nile’s shoulder to confirm. With a couple nods, he figured yes.

“Jesus,” I caught myself whispering out. I spoke louder when Tris glanced to me. “I mean—this seems like—like huge.”

“Yeah.”

“Kinda makin’ me wonder why he wants Beta in this.”

“I don’t really know, either…” He shrugged. “But orders are orders. And I mean… you’ve proven yourself plenty capable, Dallas. I wouldn’t worry too much.”

“I guess.” Tough to do that in practice, but…

“Alright. Let’s gear up. We’re wheels-up in twenty.”

“Aye, Captain…” we all nodded to him as we dispersed out of the meeting room.

If I had been shot up with adrenaline already… I don’t even know what I was supposed to call this feeling. I almost had a hard time breathing. This was so much responsibility… and I guess if all the prisoners were still comatose, maybe it would be much easier than I thought.

But if Rix was this worried about preparing us for the worst… and the weirdest…

I caught Q as we started gearing up and loading into our ship. “What did Rix mean by ‘anomalous ability,’ by the way?”

“You should have asked all these questions during the brief, Texas,” Q chuckled as they tapped on my shoulder. “But it’s fine.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I can understand why you didn’t.” They set a helmet over their head while talking. “Anomalous ability refers to any foreign ability that is beyond that of a typical carbon-based lifeform. Like, you can’t levitate objects. You can’t create fire with just the snap of your fingers. But these guys can.”

“Oh… shit.” Now I was starting to get it.

“And again, only some of these prisoners can do that.” Q teetered their hand. “But the ones who are anomalous need special attention to make sure they don’t do anything crazy.”

“Yeah.”

“Worst-case scenario… especially if all the medical machines are doing their jobs…” They shrugged at me. “…I don’t think we’ll be doing much more than non-lethal control.”

“…Let’s hope so.” I set my helmet on tight, running my checks before giving a thumbs-up to the captain.

“Alright. Geared up?” Q called to the others.

“Aye, Captain,” Ellier squeaked in reply through her radio.

Yun was still fixing his helmet. With Ellier’s help, we were ready for launch.

I fixed myself into my seat with buckles and straps. Q took their seat up front, with Yun as their co-pilot, and Ellier grinned eagerly at me as we waited for the signal for take-off.

My mind started to wander as I truly began my first mission. I found myself wondering about the stories these prisoners had… and exactly how dangerous they needed to be, in order to be locked away comatose like this, far away from the rest of the eastern galaxy.

I found myself thinking of that voice… beckoning to me. Back in Zero-G.

Before I knew it, the ship jolted out as we initiated liftoff.